The Mock Turtle's Story

You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alice's, and they walked off together.

Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.

`When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone though), `I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, `and vinegar that makes them sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and barley-sugar and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that: then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know--'

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. `You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'

`Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.

`Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess. `Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.' And she squeezed herself up closer to Alice's side as she spoke.

Alice did not much like keeping so close to her: first, because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.

`The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of keeping up the conversation a little.

“你不知道，能再见到你，我是多么高兴啊！亲爱的老朋友！”公爵夫人说着，很亲切地挽着爱丽丝的胳膊一起走。爱丽丝对公爵夫人有这样好的脾气非常高兴，她想以前在厨房里见到时，公爵夫人那么凶狠，主要是胡椒的缘故。

爱丽丝对自己说（口气上不很有把握）：“要是我当了公爵夫人，我的厨房里连一点儿胡椒都不要，没有胡椒，汤也会做得非常好的。也许正是胡椒弄得人们脾气暴躁。”她对自己这个新发现非常高兴，就继续说：“是醋弄得人们酸溜溜的，黄菊把人们弄得那么涩，以及麦芽糖这类东西把孩子的脾气变得那么甜。我只希望人们懂得这些，那么他们就不会变得吝啬了。你知道……”爱丽丝想得出神，完全忘记了公爵夫人，当公爵夫人在她耳边说话时，她吃了一惊。“我亲爱的，你在想什么？竟忘了谈话！我现在没法告诉你这会引出什么教训，不过我马上就会想出来的，”

“或许根本没什么教训。”爱丽丝鼓足勇气说，“得了，得了，小孩子，”公爵夫人说，“每件事者都会引出教训的，只要你能够找出来。”她一面说着，一面紧紧地靠着爱丽丝。

爱丽丝很不喜欢她挨得那么紧，首先，公爵夫人十分难看；其次，她的高度正好把下巴顶在爱丽丝的肩膀上，而这是个叫人很不舒服的尖下巴。然而爱丽丝不愿意显得粗野，只得尽量地忍受着。

“现在游戏进行得很好。”爱丽丝没话找话地说。
“是的，”公爵夫人说，“这件事的教训是……‘啊，爱，爱是推动世界的动力！’”
爱丽丝小声说：“有人说，这种动力是各人自扫门前雪。”
“哦，它们的意思是一样的，”公爵夫人说着，使劲儿把尖下巴往爱丽丝的肩上压了压，“这个教训是
‘只要当心思想，那么所说的话就会合平情理。’”

“她多么喜欢在事情中寻找教训啊！”爱丽丝想。

“我敢说，你在奇怪我为什么不搂你的腰，”沉寂一会后公爵夫人说，“这个原因是我害怕你的红鹤。我能试试看吗？”
“它会咬人的。”爱丽丝小心地回答，一点也不愿意让她搂抱。
“是的，”公爵夫人说，“红鹤和芥末都会咬人的，这个教训是：‘羽毛相同的鸟在一起。’”
“可是芥末不是鸟。”爱丽丝说。
“你可说到点子上了。”公爵夫人说。
“我想它是矿物吧？”爱丽丝说。

“当然是啦！”公爵夫人好像准备对爱丽丝说的每句话都表示同意，“这附近有个大芥末矿，这个教训是：‘我的多了，你的就少。’”

“哦，我知道啦！”爱丽丝没注意她后一句，大声叫道，“它是一种植物，虽然看起来不像，不过就是植物。”

“我十分同意你所说的，”公爵夫人说，“这里面的教训是：‘你看着像什么就是什么’；或者，你可以把这话说得简单点：‘永远不要把自己想象成和别人心目中的你不一样，因为你曾经或可能曾经在人们心目中是另外一个样子。’”

“要是我把您的话记下来，我想我也许会更明白一点，’爱丽丝很有礼貌地说，“现在我可跟不上趟。”
“我没什么？要是我愿意，我还能说得更长呢！”公爵夫人愉快地说。
“哦，请不必麻烦您自己了。”爱丽丝说道。
“说不上麻烦，”公爵夫人说，“我刚才说的每句话，都是送给你的一片礼物。”
“这样的礼物可真便宜，”爱丽丝想，“幸好人家不是这么送生日礼物的。”
“又在想什么了呢？”公爵夫人问道，她的小小的尖下巴顶得更紧了。
“我有想的权利，”爱丽丝尖锐地回答道，因为她有点不耐烦了。
“是的，”公爵夫人说道，“正像小猪有飞的权利一样。这里的教……”
爱丽丝十分诧异，公爵夫人的声音突然消失了，甚至连她最爱说的“教训”也没说完。挽着爱丽丝的那只胳膊也颤抖起来了。爱丽丝抬起头来，发现王后站在她们面前，交叉着胳膊，脸色阴沉得像大雷雨前的天色一样。

“天气真好呵，陛下。”公爵夫人用低而微弱的声音说。
“现在我警告你！”王后跺着脚嚷道，“你要么滚开，要么把头砍下来滚开，你得立刻选一样，马上就选。”公爵夫人作出了她的选择，马上就走掉了。

“现在咱们再去玩槌球吧。”王后对爱丽丝说。爱丽丝吓得不敢吭气，只得慢慢地跟着她回到槌球场。其他的客人趁王后不在，都跑到树荫下乘凉去了。他们一看到王后，立刻跳起来又玩槌球了。王后说，谁要是耽误一秒钟，就得付出生命的代价。

整个槌球游戏进行中，王后不断地同别人吵嘴，嚷着“砍掉他的头”或“砍掉她的头”。被宣判的人，立刻就被士兵带去监禁起来。这样，执行命令的士兵就不能再回来做球门了。过了约莫半个小时，球场上已经没有一个球门了。除了国王王后和爱丽丝，所有参加槌球游戏的人，都被判了砍头监管起来了。

于是，累得喘不过气的王后停了下来，对爱丽丝说：“你还没去看素甲鱼吧，”

“没有，”爱丽丝说，“我还不知道素甲鱼是什么东西呢！”
“不是有素甲鱼汤（英国菜中有素甲鱼汤，是用素有模制的甲负汤。如同中国的豆制品素鸡，名为素鸡，实则同鸡不相干的。）吗，”王后说，“那么当然有素甲鱼了。”

“我从来没见过，也从来没听说过。”爱丽丝说。
“那么咱们走吧，”王后说，“他会给你讲他的故事的。”
当地们一起走开的时候，爱丽丝听到国王小声地对客人们说“你们都被赦免了。”爱丽丝想这倒是个好事。王后判了那么多人砍头，使她很难过。

她们很快就碰见了一只鹰头狮，正晒着太阳睡觉呢（要是你不知道什么是鹰头狮，你可以看看画）。

“快起来，懒家伙！”王后说道，“带这位年轻小姐去看素甲鱼，听他的故事。我还得检查我的命令执行得怎样了。”她说罢就走了，把爱丽丝留在鹰头狮那儿。爱丽丝不大喜欢这个动物的模样。但是她想，与其同那个野蛮的王后在一起，还不如跟它在一起来得安全，所以，她就留下来等候着。

鹰头狮坐起来揉揉眼睛，瞧着王后，直到她走得看不见了，才笑了起来，“你笑什么？”爱丽丝回，“她呀，”鹰头狮说，“这全是她的想象，你知道，他们从来没有砍掉过别人的头。咱们走吧。”爱丽丝跟在后面走，心中想道：“这儿谁都对我说‘走吧’‘走吧’，我从来没有叫人这么支使过来，支使过去的。从来没有！”

他们走了不远，就远远望见了那只素甲鱼，孤独而悲伤地坐在一块岩石的边缘上，当再走近一点时，爱丽丝听见它在叹息着，好像它的心都要碎了，她打心眼儿里同情它。“它有什么伤心事呢？”她这样间鹰头狮。鹰头狮还是用同刚才差不多的话回答：“这全是它的想象，你知道，它根本没有什么伤心事。走吧。”

他们走近了素甲鱼，它用饱含着眼泪的大眼睛望着他们，可是一句话也不讲。
“这位年轻小姐希望听听你的经历。”鹰头狮对票甲鱼说，“她真的这么希望。”
“我很愿意告诉她。”素甲鱼用深沉的声音说，“你们都坐下，在我讲的时候别作声。”
于是他们都坐了下来。有一阵子谁都不说话。爱丽丝想：“要是它不开始，怎么能结束呢？”但是她仍然耐心地等待着。

后来，素甲鱼终于开口了，它深深地叹息了一声，说：“从前，我曾经是一只真正的甲鱼。”在这句话之后，又是一阵很长的沉默，只有鹰头狮偶尔叫一声：“啊，哈！”以及素甲鱼不断地沉重的抽泣。爱丽丝几乎要站起来说“谢谢你，先生，谢谢你的有趣的故事。”但是，她觉得还应该有下文，所以她仍然静静地坐着，什么话也不说。

后来，素甲鱼又开口了。它已经平静多了，只不过仍然不时地抽泣一声。它说，“当我们小时候，我们都到海里的学校去上学。我们的老师是一只老甲鱼，我们都叫他胶鱼。”
“既然他不是胶鱼，为什么要那么叫呢？”爱丽丝间。
“我们叫他胶鱼，因为他教我们呀。”素甲鱼生气地说，“你真笨！”
“这么简单的问题都要问，你真好意思，”鹰头狮说。于是他们俩就静静地坐在那里看着可怜的爱丽丝，使得她真想钻到地下去。最后，鹰头狮对素甲鱼说：“别介意了，老伙计，继续讲下去吧。”
“是的，我们到海里的学校去，虽然说来你不相信……”
“我没说过我不相信。”爱丽丝插嘴说。
“你说了！”素甲鱼说。

爱丽丝还没来得及答话，鹰头狮就喝了声“住口！”然后素甲鱼又讲了下去：“我们受的是最好的教育，事实上，我们每天都到学校去。”
“我也是每天都上学，”爱丽丝说，“你没什么可得意的。”
“你们也有副课吗？”素甲鱼有点不安地问道，
“当然啦，”爱丽丝说，“我们学法文和音乐。”
“有洗衣课吗？”素甲鱼问。
“当然没有。”爱丽丝生气地说。

“啊，那就算不上真正的好学校，”素甲鱼自信地说，并大为放心了，我们学校课程表的最后一项就是副课：法文、音乐、洗衣。”
“既然你们住在海底，就不会太需要洗衣裳的。”爱丽丝说。
“我不能学它，”素甲鱼叹了一声说，“我只学正课。”
“正课是什么呢？”爱丽丝问道。
“开始当然先学‘毒’和‘泻’，”素甲鱼回答说，“然后我们就学各门算术：假发、剪发、丑法、厨法。”
“我从来没听说过什么‘丑法’，”爱丽丝大着胆子说，“这是什么？”
鹰头狮惊奇地举起了爪子说：“你没听说过丑法！我想，你知道什么叫美法吧！”
爱丽丝拿不准地说：“是的，那是……让什么……东西……变得好看些。”
“那么，”鹰头狮继续说，“你不知道什么是丑法，真算得上是个傻瓜了。”
爱丽丝不敢再谈论这个题目了，她转向素甲鱼问道：“你们还学些什么呢？”
“我们还学栗柿，”素甲鱼丽着手指头说，“栗柿有古代栗柿和现代栗柿，还学地梨，还学灰花。我们的灰花老师是一条老鳗鱼，一星期来一次，教我们水菜花和素苗花。”
“它们是什么样子的呢？”爱丽丝问道。
“我没法做给你看，我太迟钝了。而鹰头狮又没学过。”素甲鱼说。
“我没时间啊！”鹰头狮说，“不过我听过外语老师的课，它是一只老镑蟹，真的。”
“我从来没听过它的课，”素甲鱼叹息着说，“他们说它教的是拉钉子和洗腊子。”
“正是这样，正是这样，”鹰头狮也叹息了，于是他们两个都用爪子掩住了脸。
“你们每天上多少课呢？”爱丽丝想换个话题，急忙地问。
素甲鱼回答道：“第一天十小时，第二天九小时，这样下去。”

“真奇怪啊。”爱丽丝叫道。
“人们都说上‘多少课’，”素甲鱼解释说，“‘多少课’就是先多后少的意思。”
这对爱丽丝可真是个新鲜事，她想了一会儿才接着说道：‘那么第十一天一定该休息了？”
“当然啦！”素甲鱼说。
“那么第十二天怎么办呢？”爱丽丝很关心地问，
“上课的问题谈够了，”鹰头狮用坚决的口气插活说，“给她讲点关于游戏的事吧。”

`'Tis so,' said the Duchess: `and the moral of that is--"Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'

`Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody minding their own business!'

`Ah, well! It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added, `and the moral of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves."'

`How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to herself.

`I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist,' the Duchess said after a pause: `the reason is, that I'm doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?'

`HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment tried.

`Very true,' said the Duchess: `flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock together."'

`Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.

`Right, as usual,' said the Duchess: `what a clear way you have of putting things!'

`It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.

`Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the less there is of yours."'

`Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark, `it's a vegetable. It doesn't look like one, but it is.'

`I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise."'

`I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very politely, `if I had it written down: but I can't quite follow it as you say it.'

`That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone.

`Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,' said Alice.

`Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess. `I make you a present of everything I've said as yet.'

`A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice. `I'm glad they don't give birthday presents like that!' But she did not venture to say it out loud.

`Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin.

`I've a right to think,' said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a little worried.

`Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to fly; and the m--'

But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died away, even in the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.

`A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.

`Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time! Take your choice!'

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.

`Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the croquet-ground.

The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence, and were resting in the shade: however, the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost them their lives.

All the time they were playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with the other players, and shouting `Off with his head!' or `Off with her head!' Those whom she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of execution.

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to Alice, `Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'

`No,' said Alice. `I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'

`It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.

`I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.

`Come on, then,' said the Queen, `and he shall tell you his history,'

As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low voice, to the company generally, `You are all pardoned.' `Come, THAT'S a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had ordered.

They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. (IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) `Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, `and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history. I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage Queen: so she waited.

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till she was out of sight: then it chuckled. `What fun!' said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.

`What IS the fun?' said Alice.

`Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon. `It's all her fancy, that: they never executes nobody, you know. Come on!'

`Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went slowly after it: `I never was so ordered about in all my life, never!'

They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply. `What is his sorrow?' she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words as before, `It's all his fancy, that: he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on!'

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.

`This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to know your history, she do.'

`I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: `sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.'

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he doesn't begin.' But she waited patiently.

`Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was a real Turtle.'

These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only by an occasional exclamation of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was very nearly getting up and saying, `Thank you, sir, for your interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so she sat still and said nothing.

`When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle--we used to call him Tortoise--'

`Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.

`We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock Turtle angrily: `really you are very dull!'

`You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow! Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words:

`Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe it--'

`I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.

`You did,' said the Mock Turtle.

`Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on.

`We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school every day--'

`I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be so proud as all that.'

`With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.

`Yes,' said Alice, `we learned French and music.'

`And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.

`Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.

`Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief. `Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill, "French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'

`You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `living at the bottom of the sea.'

`I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. `I only took the regular course.'

`What was that?' inquired Alice.

`Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle replied; `and then the different branches of Arithmetic-- Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'

`I never heard of "Uglification,"' Alice ventured to say. `What is it?'

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. `What! Never heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed. `You know what to beautify is, I suppose?'

`Yes,' said Alice doubtfully: `it means--to--make--anything--prettier.'

`Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.'

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said `What else had you to learn?'

`Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, `--Mystery, ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'

`What was THAT like?' said Alice.

`Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said: `I'm too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.'

`Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon: `I went to the Classics master, though. He was an old crab, HE was.'

`I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: `hetaught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'

`So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.

`And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.

`Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: `nine the next, and so on.'

`What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.

`That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon remarked: `because they lessen from day to day.'

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a little before she made her next remark. `Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday?'

`Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.

`And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.

`That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided tone: `tell her something about the games now.'