音频下载[点击右键另存为][00:00.44]Passage 58. Adolescence

[00:05.47]Parents are often upset when their children praise the homes of their friends

[00:09.63]and regard it as a slur on their own cooking,or cleaning, or furniture,

[00:14.33]and often are foolish enough to let the adolescents see that they are annoyed.

[00:18.93]They may even accuse them of disloyalty,

[00:21.44]or make some spiteful remark about the friends’ parents.

[00:25.38]Such a loss of dignity and descent into childish behavior on the part of the adults

[00:30.75]deeply shocks the adolescents,

[00:32.61]and makes them resolve that in future they will not talk to their parents

[00:36.43]about the places or people they visit.

[00:38.62]Before very long the parents will be complaining

[00:41.02]that the child is so secretive and never tells them anything,

[00:44.09]but they seldom realize that they have brought this on themselves.

[00:47.81]Disillusionment with the parents, however good and adequate they may be

[00:52.96]both as parent and as individuals, is to some degree inevitable.

[00:56.78]Most children have such a high ideal of their parents,

[01:00.17]unless the parents themselves have been unsatisfactory,

[01:03.35]that it can hardly hope to stand up to a realistic evaluation.

[01:06.63]Parents would be greatly surprised and deeply touched

[01:11.12]if they realized how much belief their children usually have in their character and infallibility,

[01:16.25]and how much this faith means to a child.

[01:18.88]If parents were prepared for this adolescent reaction,

[01:22.93]and realized that it was a sign that the child was growing up

[01:26.11]and developing valuable powers of observation and independent judgment,

[01:30.37]they would not be so hurt,

[01:32.01]and therefore would not drive the child into opposition by resenting and resisting it.

[01:36.94]The adolescent, with his passion for sincerity,

[01:40.43]always respects a parent who admits that he is wrong, or ignorant,

[01:44.59]or even that he has been unfair or unjust.

[01:47.44]What the child cannot forgive is the parents' refusal to admit these charges

[01:51.93]if the child knows them to be true.

[01:53.89]Victorian parents believed that they kept their dignity

[01:57.29]by retreating behind an unreasoning authoritarian attitude;

[02:01.01]in fact they did nothing of the kind,

[02:03.41]but children were then too cowed to let them know how they really felt.

[02:07.25]Today we tend to go to the other extreme,

[02:09.87]but on the whole this is a healthier attitude both for the child and the parent.

[02:14.46]It is always wiser and safer to face up to reality,

[02:18.18]however painful it may be at the moment.