Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It can alert a brute that a victim is in the neighborhood. -- Maya AngelouCount your age with friends but not with years. -- AnonymousDon't anthropomorphize computers -- they hate it. -- AnonymousDon't trust anyone over 30 who used to say "Don't trust anyone over 30." -- AnonymousGive her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend." -- AnonymousNever practice two vices at once. -- Tallulah BankheadNever moon a werewolf. -- Mike BinderNever express yourself more clearly than you are able to think. -- Niels BohrNever go to a doctor whose office plants have died. -- Erma BombeckAlways behave like a duck--keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like the devil underneath. -- Jacob BraudeIf someone offers you a breath mint, accept it. -- H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Life's Little Treasure Book, on wisdomLet the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others. -- H. Jackson BrownYou have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime. -- Dale CarnegieNever go to bed angry. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis DillerNever judge a book by its movie. -- J. W. EaganThe important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. -- Albert EinsteinDon't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself. -- William FaulknerNever be possessive. If a female friend lets on that she is going out with another man, be kind and understanding. If she says she would like to go out with the Dallas Cowboys, including the coaching staff, the same rule applies. Tell her: "Kath, you just go right ahead and do what you feel is right." Unless you actually care for her, in which case you must see to it that she has no male contact whatsoever. -- Bruce Jay FriedmanA Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really_ attractive. -- Bruce FriedmanDon't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. -- Robert FrostYou can't shake hands with a clenched fist. -- Indira GandhiAlways go to the bathroom when you have a chance. -- King George VOne ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if possible, speak a few reasonable words. -- Johann Wolfgang von GoetheA good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. -- Sidney GoffBeware of men on airplanes. The minute a man reaches thirty thousand feet, he immediately becomes consumed by distasteful sexual fantasies which involve doing uncomfortable things in those tiny toilets. These men should not be encouraged, their fantasies are sadly low-rent and unimaginative. Affect an aloof, cool demeanor as soon as any man tries to draw you out. Unless, of course, he's the pilot. -- Cynthia HeimelNever judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals. -- Cynthia HeimelWhen in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap. -- Cynthia Heimel, "Lower Manhattan Survival Tactics" in Village VoiceDew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl yore mistakes. -- Brendan HillsLive truth instead of professing it. -- Elbert HubbardCall on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverbForgive your enemies, but never forget their names. -- John F. KennedyWhen you are right, you cannot be too radical; When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much." -- Anthony Lake, national security advisor, at University of Massachusettes, Amhurst, Graduation 1995For best results: wash in cold water separately, hang dry and iron with warm iron. For not so good results: drag behind car through puddles, blow-dry on roofrack. -- Laundry instructions on a shirt made by HEET (Korea)For the love of God, folks, don't do this at home. -- David Letterman, CBS Late Show, demonstrating the Donut-o-pult, 1995Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig. -- Lazarus LongYou can't learn too soon that the most useful thing about a principle is that it can always be sacrificed to expediency. -- W. Somerset MaughamIf you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one. -- Mother TeresaGive the people not hell, but hope and courage. -- John MurrayNever be unfaithful to a lover, except with your wife. -- P. J. O'RourkeDon't look back -- something might be gaining on you. -- Satchel PaigeTrust, but verify. -- Ronald ReaganIt may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that is the way to bet. -- Damon RunyanWe have to keep trying things we're not sure we can pull off. If we just do the things we know we can do... you don't grow as much. You gotta take those chances on making those big mistakes. -- Cybill ShepherdStart slow and taper off. -- Walt Stack, marathon runnerIf you can't convince them, confuse them. -- Harry S. TrumanAlways do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest. -- Mark TwainGood breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. -- Mark TwainChange before you have to. -- Jack Welch