爱思英语编者按：爱情伊始，芳香玫瑰处处盛开，接着花刺渐露狰狞，信任渐失，爱情枯萎。爱情是珍贵的精神之花，如何使这鲜花持久盛放呢？要小心以下十三种爱情杀手：

In the beginning, everything's roses . . . then the thorns start to grow: damaging behaviors that diminish trust and destroy love. Watch out for these 13 relationship killers.

Thorn 1: Not Listening
In the beginning, you both hung on every word, but what has happened as time has gone by? Do you still show your partner courtesy by listening closely?

Thorn 2: Forgetting to Say "I Love You"
Don't assume that your partner knows you love them. Keep saying it, thus reinforcing the bonds of love.

Thorn 3: Forgetting to Do Nice Things for Your Partner
The song, "You Don't Bring Me Flowers" struck a chord with many people. Remember to treat that someone special just as they truly are, special.

Thorn 4: Minimizing What's Important to the Other Person.
One of the fastest ways to destroy a relationship is to fail to pay attention to what concerns your partner. If something is important to them, it should be important to you--even if you are not personally interested in it. You need to make it your business, rather than downplaying it or treating it as though it is lightweight and doesn't matter.

Thorn 5: Blowing Off Requests
When your partner asks you to do something, do you do your best to do it or do you delay, putting it off and then accusing them of nagging you when they are forced to remind you?

Thorn 6: Criticizing Your Partner
Criticism crushes trust and can make a partner wary. If you've gone from being your partner's best advocate to an adversary, you need to look at what has changed and seek to correct it, before it damages the relationship.

Thorn 7: Snapping at Your Partner
You wouldn't do this on your first couple of dates so don't get into the habit as time goes by. Your partner deserves respect--even when you are stressed or angry.

Thorn 8: Accusing Your Partner
Don't assume your partner has done something. Watch how you phrase your questions. Instead of "What did you do with my . . . ?" or "You must have moved it." Rephrase this to "Have you seen my . . . ?"or "I wonder what I did with it?"

Thorn 9: Refusing to Communicate or Work at Bettering Communication
Lack of communication has been said to be one of the most challenging relationship problem's couples face. Men and women have different communication styles; however, it is necessary to develop effective communication patterns because communication works as a kind of relationship cement. When one party withdraws and refuses to discuss problems, you can bet that a whole host of other problems will develop.

Thorn 10: Refusing to Compromise
Some people seem to feel that it's their way or no way. This might work in the schoolyard but it shouldn't be part of an adult relationship. Each person has to be willing to give so that a compromise is reached that is satisfactory to both parties. Couples should get stuck on the solution over getting struck by the problem.

Thorn 11: Not Spending Enough Time With Your Partner
In some relationships, the television or the computer becomes the main focus of attention. While there's nothing wrong with spreading your attention elsewhere, pay attention that your attention doesn't stray for too long or too often--or you may find that all you'll be left with for companionship is that television or computer. Not spending enough time with your partner sends a message that they aren't that important to you.

Thorn 12: Lying to Your Partner
Some people actually believe that they can lie and won't get caught out. How can you ask your partner to trust you if you lie to them? Do you earn their trust or destroy it?

Thorn 13: Cheating On Your Partner

Cheating is one of the most damaging behaviors around, one that is sure to destroy your partner's trust. Yet, many do it. If you subscribe to the philosophy that you can love one person and be intimate with another, you'd better take a hard look at the depth of love you profess to feel. If you really loved someone, you would not risk breaking their heart for transitory pleasure. The saying, "But it didn't mean anything," will come back to haunt you when you see just what it will mean: separation, divorce, legal costs, loss of friends and family, loss of others' respect when word gets out.

All couples face relationship issues but how each person decides to act on a daily basis will set the tone for future happiness or for relationship problems. By adopting constructive behavioral patterns, your relationship will blossom instead of being damaged and choked out by thorns.

爱情伊始，芳香玫瑰处处盛开，接着花刺渐露狰狞，信任渐失，爱情枯萎。爱情是珍贵的精神之花，如何使这鲜花持久盛放呢？要小心以下十三种爱情杀手：

第一：不再倾听伴侣说话
开始的时候，你们倾听伴侣的每一句话，有一种变化随着时间而发生，你还用心倾听你的伴侣表现你的关爱吗？

第二：不再说“我爱你”
别假定你的伴侣知道你爱他（她），要经常告诉对方“我爱你”，这是加强爱情的纽带。

第三：不再做让伴侣开心的事
那首“你不再给我鲜花”触痛很多人的心。记住，永远用特别的方式对待那个特别的人。

第四：忽视你伴侣重视的事情
有一种办法可以很快毁掉爱情--忽视你伴侣关心的事情。如果某事对你伴侣重要，那它也应该对你重要--即使你本人一点也不感兴趣。你要把它看成自己的事情，而不是忽视或轻视它。

第五：迟迟不履行伴侣的要求
当你的伴侣要求你帮忙做某事时，你应该努力尽快做到最好，而不是拖延，当他们提醒你时，你又指责他们唠叨。

第六：挑剔你的伴侣
挑剔毁掉信任，让你的伴侣心生警惕。如果你已经从最好的支持者变成对手，你就需要好好想想是什么改变了，在它毁掉爱情之前，努力纠正它。

第七：对你的伴侣很粗鲁
刚开始约会的时候，你肯定是不会对你伴侣粗鲁无礼的。那么记住，即使随着时间你们已很熟悉，你也不要养成粗鲁的习惯，你的伴侣永远值得你的尊敬--即使是在你有很大压力或心中有怒火时。

第八：指责你的伴侣
不要假定你的伴侣已经做了某事，要注意说话的艺术，不要说“你对我的xx做了什么”或“你一定动过它了”，而要说“你看到过我的xx吗”或“我不记得我对它做了什么”。

第九：拒绝沟通或不再努力更好的沟通
缺乏沟通是伴侣间最有挑战性的问题。男人和女人有不同的沟通方式，但无论如何，建立有效的沟通方式是非常必要的，因为沟通是爱情粘着剂。如果一方退缩，拒绝沟通，那么其他问题必然随之而出。

第十：拒绝妥协
有些人觉得要么按他们的方式办事要么就绝对没门，这在校园里是行得通的，但在成人关系里肯定行不通。每个人都应该做出一些牺牲，从而达成让双方都满意的妥协。伴侣们应该努力找解决方法而不是坚持陷在问题里。

第十一：和伴侣在一起的时间很少
在某些两性关系里，电视或电脑变成关注焦点。关注别的东西没什么不对，但要注意不要太久，否则你可能只剩下电视或电脑相伴了。陪伴伴侣的时间太少会让他们觉得他们对你不重要。

第十二：对你的伴侣撒谎
有些人认为，他们可以撒谎并且不会被识破。如果你对伴侣撒谎，你又怎么能期待他们信任你呢？你想获得他们的信任还是想毁了它？

第十三：欺骗你的伴侣
欺骗是最有杀伤力的行为，百分之一百毁掉你伴侣的信任，但仍然有好多人欺骗伴侣。如果你认为你可以同时爱两个人，那你就应该好好思考你所谓的爱情到底有多深。如果你真爱某人，你就不会为了一时之乐而伤害伴侣。你认为没什么大不了的事情最后可能会让你伤透脑筋：分居、离婚、律师费、失去家人朋友，失去人们的尊敬等等。

所以的伴侣都面临此类事情，而如何去处理将会决定你们未来是幸福或出现问题。如果你们采取健康积极的行为方式，你们的爱情之花会愈加艳丽而不是枯萎死去