A Successful Relationship 人类关系的天才     

A boy was born to a couple after 11 years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eye. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen, totally forgot about the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and fascinated by its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed, the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just four words.

QUESTIONS:

What were the four words? What is the implication of this story?

ANSWER:

The husband just said, “I Love You Darling.” The husband’s totally unexpected reaction is proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened. No one is to be blamed. She had lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her. If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiving attitude, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think. “A successful relationship requires falling in love many times — with the same person.”

一对夫妇在婚后十一年生了一个男孩，夫妻恩爱，男孩自然是二人的宝贝。男孩两岁的某一天，丈夫在出门上班之际，看到桌上有一药瓶打开了，不过因为赶时间，他只扬声妻子把药瓶收好，然后就上班去了。妻子在厨房忙得团团转，完全忘了丈夫的叮嘱。小男孩看到药瓶走了过去，他觉得好奇，又被药水的颜色所吸引，于是拿起它一饮而尽。药水成份厉害，即使成人服用也只能用少量。男孩服药过量昏厥，被母亲送到医院后，已经无力回天。妻子被事实吓呆了，不知该如何面对丈夫。心情紧张的父亲赶到医院，得知噩耗非常伤心，看儿子的尸体，望了妻子一眼，然后就说了四个字。

作者留下两个问题：

一是这丈夫说了哪四个字？二是这则故事的主旨是什么？

答案是：

丈夫只说了一句：“I love you, darling！”他完全出乎意料的反应是先发制人的（即反过来控制局面，而不被局面控制）。儿子的死已成事实，无论怎样也不会死而复生了，埋怨母亲没有丝毫意义。况且，如果当时他花些时间把药瓶收起来，这事也不会发生了。不应该为了这件事责怪任何一个人，妻子也同样失去了儿子。在那时她需要的只是丈夫的安慰和同情。这四个字就是他所给予她的安慰。如果人人都能用这样的观点来看待生活，世上就会少了许多问题。放下所有的怨恨、嫉妒、不宽容的态度、自私以及惧怕，你会发现事情的境况原来并不如想象中的差。“与同一个人相爱多次，你们之间才能建立起成功的关系。”


这故事，主旨是彰显人类选择的自我层次，同一件不幸的事你可以怨天尤人，痛骂社会，甚至自责无穷，但事情却不因这些而改变，这一切只改变了你和日后的生活，负着疤痕的活下去。反之，放下怨恨和惧怕，放下过去，勇敢的活下去，事情的境况并不如想象中的差，这就是作者所说的Proactive Behavior，也就是我们所说的由人转境，而不是被外界事物牵走。很简短的故事，但是，有多少人能做到呢？当我看到那句“I love you, darling！”的时候，心中感慨万千，多么简单的一句话，但要有多久的修炼，多大的包容，多深的人生智慧，才能在那种时刻说出如此令人动容的一句话，每个人都有不想让人所知的不幸事，自己选择了何种方式去面对，又怎么去面对未来以及外围的人及事物呢……？