THE news was all over town in two minutes, and you could see the people tearing down on the run from every which way, some of them putting on their coats as they come. Pretty soon we was in the middle of a crowd, and the noise of the tramping was like a soldier march. The windows and dooryards was full; and every minute somebody would say, over a fence:

"Is it THEM?"

And somebody trotting along with the gang would answer back and say:

"You bet it is."

When we got to the house the street in front of it was packed, and the three girls was standing in the door. Mary Jane WAS red-headed, but that don't make no difference, she was most awful beautiful, and her face and her eyes was all lit up like glory, she was so glad her uncles was come. The king he spread his arms, and Marsy Jane she jumped for them, and the hare-lip jumped for the duke, and there they HAD it! Everybody most, leastways women, cried for joy to see them meet again at last and have such good times.

Then the king he hunched the duke private -- I see him do it -- and then he looked around and see the coffin, over in the corner on two chairs; so then him and the duke, with a hand across each other's shoulder, and t'other hand to their eyes, walked slow and solemn over there, everybody dropping back to give them room, and all the talk and noise stopping, people saying "Sh!" and all the men taking their hats off and drooping their heads, so you could a heard a pin fall. And when they got there they bent over and looked in the coffin, and took one sight, and then they bust out a-crying so you could a heard them to Orleans, most; and then they put their arms around each other's necks, and hung their chins over each other's shoulders; and then for three minutes, or maybe four, I never see two men leak the way they done. And, mind you, everybody was doing the same; and the place was that damp I never see anything like it. Then one of them got on one side of the coffin, and t'other on t'other side, and they kneeled down and rested their foreheads on the coffin, and let on to pray all to themselves. Well, when it come to that it worked the crowd like you never see anything like it, and everybody broke down and went to sobbing right out loud -- the poor girls, too; and every woman, nearly, went up to the girls, without saying a word, and kissed them, solemn, on the forehead, and then put their hand on their head, and looked up towards the sky, with the tears running down, and then busted out and went off sobbing and swabbing, and give the next woman a show. I never see anything so disgusting.

Well, by and by the king he gets up and comes forward a little, and works himself up and slobbers out a speech, all full of tears and flapdoodle about its being a sore trial for him and his poor brother to lose the diseased, and to miss seeing diseased alive after the long journey of four thousand mile, but it's a trial that's sweetened and sanctified to us by this dear sympathy and these holy tears, and so he thanks them out of his heart and out of his brother's heart, because out of their mouths they can't, words being too weak and cold, and all that kind of rot and slush, till it was just sickening; and then he blubbers out a pious goody-goody Amen, and turns himself loose and goes to crying fit to bust.

And the minute the words were out of his mouth somebody over in the crowd struck up the doxolojer, and everybody joined in with all their might, and it just warmed you up and made you feel as good as church letting out. Music is a good thing; and after all that soul-butter and hogwash I never see it freshen up things so, and sound so honest and bully.

Then the king begins to work his jaw again, and says how him and his nieces would be glad if a few of the main principal friends of the family would take supper here with them this evening, and help set up with the ashes of the diseased; and says if his poor brother laying yonder could speak he knows who he would name, for they was names that was very dear to him, and mentioned often in his letters; and so he will name the same, to wit, as follows, vizz.: -- Rev. Mr. Hobson, and Deacon Lot Hovey, and Mr. Ben Rucker, and Abner Shackleford, and Levi Bell, and Dr. Robinson, and their wives, and the widow Bartley.

Rev. Hobson and Dr. Robinson was down to the end of the town a-hunting together -- that is, I mean the doctor was shipping a sick man to t'other world, and the preacher was pinting him right. Lawyer Bell was away up to Louisville on business. But the rest was on hand, and so they all come and shook hands with the king and thanked him and talked to him; and then they shook hands with the duke and didn't say nothing, but just kept a-smiling and bobbing their heads like a passel of sapheads whilst he made all sorts of signs with his hands and said "Goo-goo -- goo-goo-goo" all the time, like a baby that can't talk.

So the king he blattered along, and managed to inquire about pretty much everybody and dog in town, by his name, and mentioned all sorts of little things that happened one time or another in the town, or to George's family, or to Peter. And he always let on that Peter wrote him the things; but that was a lie: he got every blessed one of them out of that young flathead that we canoed up to the steamboat.

Then Mary Jane she fetched the letter her father left behind, and the king he read it out loud and cried over it. It give the dwelling-house and three thousand dollars, gold, to the girls; and it give the tanyard (which was doing a good business), along with some other houses and land (worth about seven thousand), and three thousand dollars in gold to Harvey and William, and told where the six thousand cash was hid down cellar. So these two frauds said they'd go and fetch it up, and have everything square and aboveboard; and told me to come with a candle. We shut the cellar door behind us, and when they found the bag they spilt it out on the floor, and it was a lovely sight, all them yaller-boys. My, the way the king's eyes did shine! He slaps the duke on the shoulder and says:

"Oh, THIS ain't bully nor noth'n! Oh, no, I reckon not! Why, Biljy, it beats the Nonesuch, DON'T it?"

The duke allowed it did. They pawed the yallerboys, and sifted them through their fingers and let them jingle down on the floor; and the king says:

"It ain't no use talkin'; bein' brothers to a rich dead man and representatives of furrin heirs that's got left is the line for you and me, Bilge. Thish yer comes of trust'n to Providence. It's the best way, in the long run. I've tried 'em all, and ther' ain't no better way."

Most everybody would a been satisfied with the pile, and took it on trust; but no, they must count it. So they counts it, and it comes out four hundred and fifteen dollars short. Says the king:

"Dern him, I wonder what he done with that four hundred and fifteen dollars?"

They worried over that awhile, and ransacked all around for it. Then the duke says:

"Well, he was a pretty sick man, and likely he made a mistake -- I reckon that's the way of it. The best way's to let it go, and keep still about it. We can spare it."

"Oh, shucks, yes, we can SPARE it. I don't k'yer noth'n 'bout that -- it's the COUNT I'm thinkin' about. We want to be awful square and open and above-board here, you know. We want to lug this h-yer money up stairs and count it before everybody -- then ther' ain't noth'n suspicious. But when the dead man says ther's six thous'n dollars, you know, we don't want to --"

"Hold on," says the duke. "Le's make up the deffisit," and he begun to haul out yaller-boys out of his pocket.

"It's a most amaz'n' good idea, duke -- you HAVE got a rattlin' clever head on you," says the king. "Blest if the old Nonesuch ain't a heppin' us out agin," and HE begun to haul out yaller-jackets and stack them up.

It most busted them, but they made up the six thousand clean and clear.

"Say," says the duke, "I got another idea. Le's go up stairs and count this money, and then take and GIVE IT TO THE GIRLS."

"Good land, duke, lemme hug you! It's the most dazzling idea 'at ever a man struck. You have cert'nly got the most astonishin' head I ever see. Oh, this is the boss dodge, ther' ain't no mistake 'bout it. Let 'em fetch along their suspicions now if they want to -- this 'll lay 'em out."

When we got up-stairs everybody gethered around the table, and the king he counted it and stacked it up, three hundred dollars in a pile -- twenty elegant little piles. Everybody looked hungry at it, and licked their chops. Then they raked it into the bag again, and I see the king begin to swell himself up for another speech. He says:

"Friends all, my poor brother that lays yonder has done generous by them that's left behind in the vale of sorrers. He has done generous by these yer poor little lambs that he loved and sheltered, and that's left fatherless and motherless. Yes, and we that knowed him knows that he would a done MORE generous by 'em if he hadn't ben afeard o' woundin' his dear William and me. Now, WOULDN'T he? Ther' ain't no question 'bout it in MY mind. Well, then, what kind o' brothers would it be that 'd stand in his way at sech a time? And what kind o' uncles would it be that 'd rob -- yes, ROB -- sech poor sweet lambs as these 'at he loved so at sech a time? If I know William -- and I THINK I do -- he -- well, I'll jest ask him." He turns around and begins to make a lot of signs to the duke with his hands, and the duke he looks at him stupid and leatherheaded a while; then all of a sudden he seems to catch his meaning, and jumps for the king, goo-gooing with all his might for joy, and hugs him about fifteen times before he lets up. Then the king says, "I knowed it; I reckon THAT 'll convince anybody the way HE feels about it. Here, Mary Jane, Susan, Joanner, take the money -- take it ALL. It's the gift of him that lays yonder, cold but joyful."

Mary Jane she went for him, Susan and the hare-lip went for the duke, and then such another hugging and kissing I never see yet. And everybody crowded up with the tears in their eyes, and most shook the hands off of them frauds, saying all the time:

"You DEAR good souls! -- how LOVELY! -- how COULD you!"

Well, then, pretty soon all hands got to talking about the diseased again, and how good he was, and what a loss he was, and all that; and before long a big iron-jawed man worked himself in there from outside, and stood a-listening and looking, and not saying anything; and nobody saying anything to him either, because the king was talking and they was all busy listening. The king was saying -- in the middle of something he'd started in on --

"-- they bein' partickler friends o' the diseased. That's why they're invited here this evenin'; but tomorrow we want ALL to come -- everybody; for he respected everybody, he liked everybody, and so it's fitten that his funeral orgies sh'd be public."

And so he went a-mooning on and on, liking to hear himself talk, and every little while he fetched in his funeral orgies again, till the duke he couldn't stand it no more; so he writes on a little scrap of paper, "OBSEQUIES, you old fool," and folds it up, and goes to goo-gooing and reaching it over people's heads to him. The king he reads it and puts it in his pocket, and says:

"Poor William, afflicted as he is, his HEART'S aluz right. Asks me to invite everybody to come to the funeral -- wants me to make 'em all welcome. But he needn't a worried -- it was jest what I was at."

Then he weaves along again, perfectly ca'm, and goes to dropping in his funeral orgies again every now and then, just like he done before. And when he done it the third time he says:

"I say orgies, not because it's the common term, because it ain't -- obsequies bein' the common term -- but because orgies is the right term. Obsequies ain't used in England no more now -- it's gone out. We say orgies now in England. Orgies is better, because it means the thing you're after more exact. It's a word that's made up out'n the Greek ORGO, outside, open, abroad; and the Hebrew JEESUM, to plant, cover up; hence inTER. So, you see, funeral orgies is an open er public funeral."

He was the WORST I ever struck. Well, the ironjawed man he laughed right in his face. Everybody was shocked. Everybody says, "Why, DOCTOR!" and Abner Shackleford says:

"Why, Robinson, hain't you heard the news? This is Harvey Wilks."

The king he smiled eager, and shoved out his flapper, and says:

"Is it my poor brother's dear good friend and physician? I --"

"Keep your hands off of me!" says the doctor. "YOU talk like an Englishman, DON'T you? It's the worst imitation I ever heard. YOU Peter Wilks's brother! You're a fraud, that's what you are!"

Well, how they all took on! They crowded around the doctor and tried to quiet him down, and tried to explain to him and tell him how Harvey 'd showed in forty ways that he WAS Harvey, and knowed everybody by name, and the names of the very dogs, and begged and BEGGED him not to hurt Harvey's feelings and the poor girl's feelings, and all that. But it warn't no use; he stormed right along, and said any man that pretended to be an Englishman and couldn't imitate the lingo no better than what he did was a fraud and a liar. The poor girls was hanging to the king and crying; and all of a sudden the doctor ups and turns on THEM. He says:

"I was your father's friend, and I'm your friend; and I warn you as a friend, and an honest one that wants to protect you and keep you out of harm and trouble, to turn your backs on that scoundrel and have nothing to do with him, the ignorant tramp, with his idiotic Greek and Hebrew, as he calls it. He is the thinnest kind of an impostor -- has come here with a lot of empty names and facts which he picked up somewheres, and you take them for PROOFS, and are helped to fool yourselves by these foolish friends here, who ought to know better. Mary Jane Wilks, you know me for your friend, and for your unselfish friend, too. Now listen to me; turn this pitiful rascal out -- I BEG you to do it. Will you?"

Mary Jane straightened herself up, and my, but she was handsome! She says:

"HERE is my answer." She hove up the bag of money and put it in the king's hands, and says, "Take this six thousand dollars, and invest for me and my sisters any way you want to, and don't give us no receipt for it."

Then she put her arm around the king on one side, and Susan and the hare-lip done the same on the other. Everybody clapped their hands and stomped on the floor like a perfect storm, whilst the king held up his head and smiled proud. The doctor says:

"All right; I wash MY hands of the matter. But I warn you all that a time 's coming when you're going to feel sick whenever you think of this day." And away he went.

"All right, doctor," says the king, kinder mocking him; "we'll try and get 'em to send for you;" which made them all laugh, and they said it was a prime good hit.

才只两分钟时间，消息便传遍了整个儿村落。但见人们从四面八方飞也似地跑来，有些
人还一边跑一边披着上衣。才一会儿，我们就被大伙儿围在中间，大伙儿的脚步声如同军队
行军时发出的声音一般。窗口、门口都挤满了人。每分钟都能听到有人在隔着栅栏说：
    “是他们么？”
    在这帮一溜小跑的人中间，就会有人说：
    “可不是么。”
    等我们走到这所房子时，门前大街上人头济济，三位闺女正站在大门口。玛丽·珍妮确
是红头发，不过这没有什么，她美丽非凡，她那脸上，她那对眼睛，都闪着光彩。她见到
“叔叔”来了，十分高兴。国王呢，他张开双臂，玛丽·珍妮便投进他的怀抱。豁嘴呢，她
朝公爵跳过去。他们着实亲热了一番。大伙儿看到他们终于团聚，彼此这般欢悦，几乎一个
个都高兴得为之落泪，至少妇女们都是这样。
    随后国王偷偷推了一下公爵——这我是看到了的——接着四周张望，看到了那口棺材，
是在角落里，搁在两张椅子上。国王和公爵一只手搁在对方的肩膀上，一只手抹着眼泪，神
色庄严地缓步走过去，大伙儿纷纷为他们让路。说话声、嘈杂声，都一下子停息了。人们在
说“嘘”，并且纷纷脱下帽子，垂下脑袋，简直连一颗针落地，都能听到声音。他们一走
近，就低下头来，朝棺材里望，只望了一眼，便呼天抢地大哭起来，那哭声哪怕你在奥尔良
也能听到。接下来，他们把手臂勾着彼此的脖子，把下巴靠在彼此的肩膀上，有三分钟之
久，也许还是四分钟呢。眼泪象撒尿一般地流淌，这样的洋洋大观，我过去可从没有见识
过。请你注意，人们一个个都这样，把地都给弄潮了，这也是我见所未见的。接下来，这两
人一个到棺材的一侧，另一个到另一侧，他们跪了下来，把额骨搁在棺材的边上，装做全心
全意祷告的模样。啊，到了这么一步。四周人群那种大为感动的情景，委实是从未见过的。
人们一个个哭出了声，大声呜咽——那几位可怜的闺女也是一样。还有几乎每一个妇女，都
朝几位闺女走过去，吻她们的前额，手抚着她们的脑袋，眼睛望着天，眼泪哗哗直淌，随后
忍不住哭出声来，一路呜呜咽咽、抹着眼泪走开，让下一位妇女表演一番。这样叫人恶心的
事，我可是见所未见。
    随后国王站了起来，朝前走了几步，酝酿好了情绪，哭哭啼啼作了一番演说，一边眼泪
直流，一边胡话连篇，说他和他那可怜的兄弟，从四千英里外，仆仆风尘赶到这里，却失掉
了亲人，连最后一面也未见到，心里有多难过，只是由于大伙儿的亲切慰问和神圣的眼泪，
这样的伤心事也就加上了一种甜蜜的滋味，变成了一件庄严的事，他和他兄弟从心底里感谢
他们。因为嘴里说出的话无法表达心意，语言委实太无力、太冷淡了。如此等等的一类废
话，听了叫人要吐。最后胡诌了几声“阿门”，又放开嗓子大哭一场，哭得死去活来。
    他一说完，大伙儿中间就有人唱起“赞美诗”来，大家一个个加入了进来，并且使出全
身的劲直喊，听了叫人来了兴致，仿佛做完礼拜、走出教堂时的那种感受。音乐嘛，实在是
个好东西，听了一遍奉承的话和这些空话以后，再听听音乐，就使人精神一振。并且那音乐
听起来朴朴实实、那么悦耳。
    接下来国王又张开大嘴，胡诌起来，说如果这家人的好友中，有几位能留下和他们一起
晚餐，并且帮助他们料理死者的遗骸，他和侄女们会十分高兴。还说如果躺在那一边的哥哥
会说话的话，他知道该说哪些人的名字。因为这些名字对他是十分可贵的，也是他在信上时
常提到的。为此，他愿提下列的名字——霍勃逊牧师、洛特·霍凡执事、朋·勒克先生和阿
勃纳·夏克尔福特先生，还有勒维·贝尔律师、罗宾逊医生，还有他们的夫人。还有巴特雷
寡妇。
    霍勃逊牧师和罗宾逊医生正在镇子的另一头合演他们的拿手好戏去了，我的意思是说，
医生正为一个病人发送到另一个世界，牧师就做指路人。贝尔律师为了业务去路易斯维尔
了。不过其余的人都在场，他们就一个个走上前来，和国王握手，谢谢他，并和他说起话
来。随后他们和公爵握手，并没有说什么话，只是脸上始终透着笑容，频频点点头，活象一
群傻瓜蛋。而他呢，做出种种手势，从头到尾只说“谷——
    谷——谷—谷—谷”仿佛象一个婴孩还说不成话似的。
    这样国王便信口开河起来，对镇上一个个的人，一只只的狗，几乎都问了个遍。还提到
了人家的姓名。镇上以及乔治家、彼得家，过去曾发生过的芝麻绿豆小事，也一桩桩一件件
给提到了。而且装作是彼得信上提起过的。不过这些都是谎话，这些全是他从那个年轻的笨
蛋、也就是从搭我们的划子上大轮的人嘴巴里掏来的。
    随后玛丽·珍妮拿出了她爸爸的那封遗书，国王大声读了一遍，一边读一边哭。遗书规
定把住宅和三千块钱金洋给闺女们，把鞣皮工场（这行业正当生意兴隆的时候），连同房屋
和土地（值七千元）和三千元金洋给哈维和威廉。遗书上还说，这六千块现钱藏在地窖里。
这两个骗子便说由他们去取上来，一切办得光明正大、当众公开。他还嘱咐我带一支蜡烛一
起去。我们随手把地窖的门关上。他们一发现装钱的袋子，便往地板上一倒，只见金灿灿的
一堆堆，煞是好看。天啊，你看国王的眼睛里怎样闪闪发光啊！他往公爵的肩膀上一拍，说
道：
    “这太棒啦！这还不棒，天底下还有什么棒的呢？哦，不。我看没有了！毕奇，这比
《王室异兽》还强，不是么？”
    公爵也承认是这么回事。他们把那堆金洋东摸摸、西摸摸，让金钱从手指缝里往下溜，
让金洋叮叮噹噹掉到地板上。
    国王说：
    “说空话无济于事。作为富裕的死者的兄弟，留在国外的继承人的代理人，我们该扮的
就是这么个角色，毕奇。一切听从上天的安排，我们这才有这样一个遭遇。从长远来看，这
才是最靠得住的一条路。一切我都试过了，除此以外，别无更好的路。”
    有了这么一大堆钱，换了别的人，都会心满意足了，都会以信任对待一切了。可是不，
他们非得把钱数过才行。于是他们就数了起来。一数，还缺四百十五块钱。国王说：
    “妈的，真不知道他把四百十五块钱搞到哪里去了？”
    他们为这件事烦恼了一会儿，把各处也都搜了个遍。后来公爵说：
    “啊，他是个重病在身的人，很可能是搞错了——依我看，就是这样。最好的办法是随
它去吧，不必声张。这点亏我们还吃得起。”
    “哦，他妈的，是啊，我们还吃得起。我对这个根本不在乎——我如今想到的是我们数
过了。我们要把事情就在这儿搞得公平交易、坦坦白白、光明正大你知道吧。我们要把这儿
的钱拿到上边，在众人面前公开点数——好叫人起不了疑心。既然死者说是六千块大洋，你
知道吧，我们就不愿——”
    “等一等，”公爵说，“由我们来补足”——一边从口袋里掏出了金灿灿的钱。
    “这可是个了不起的好主意，公爵——你那个脑袋瓜可真是聪明绝顶了，”国王说，
“还是《王室异兽》这出老戏帮了我们的忙。”——一边他也顺手掏出了金币，摞成一叠。
    两人的口袋几乎掏空了，不过他们还是凑足了六千块钱，一文不少。
    “听我说，”公爵说，“我又有一个想法。让我们走上楼去，在那儿把钱数一数，随后
把钱递给闺女们。”
    “我的天，公爵，让我拥抱你！这可是一个人能想到的最光辉灿烂的主意啦。你的脑袋
肯定是聪明到了最惊人的地步。哦，这说得上是锦囊妙计，一点儿漏洞也没有。要是他们还
心存疑虑的话，凭这下子管叫它一扫而空——这一下啊，管叫他们无话可说。”
    我们一上了楼，大伙儿一个个围着桌子。国王把金币点过数了，随手摞成一叠叠，每三
百元一叠——整整齐齐的二十小堆。大伙儿一个个眼馋得不知道怎样才好，并且使劲舔嘴
唇。随后他们把钱重新扒进了袋子里。我注意到了国王正在蹩着劲，准备又一次发表演说
了。他说：
    “朋友们，耽在那一边的我那可怜的哥哥，对我们这些留在阳间这伤心之谷的人是慷慨
大方的。他对他深爱的、他保护的、失去父母的这些可怜的羔羊是慷慨的。是啊，凡是了解
他的人，我们都知道，要不是他怕亏了他亲爱的威廉和我本人，他准会对她们更加慷慨的。
他到底会不会呢？依我的心里思量，这绝对不会错的。既然如此，——如果在这样一个时
刻，竟然出来挡道，那还算什么叔叔？如果在这样一个时刻，竟然想对他深爱的这些可怜的
甜蜜的小羔羊存心掠夺，——是的，掠夺，——那还算什么叔叔？对威廉，如果我还了解他
——我想我是了解他的——好，我来直接问他。”他一转身，对公爵做出种种的手势借以达
意。公爵呢，有一阵子只是傻乎乎地瞪着眼睛望着，随后仿佛突然懂得了是什么个意思，一
跳跳到国王面前，咕咕咕地不停，快活得不知怎样才好，并且拥抱了他足足有十五下左右，
才放开手。接着，国王说，“我早知道了。我料想，他对这件事是什么个态度，从这一些看
来，能叫大伙儿一个个都信得过。来，玛丽、苏珊、琼娜，把钱拿去——全部拿去。这是躺
在那边的，身子凉了，心里却是高兴的人赠送给你们的。”
    玛丽·珍妮就朝他走过去，苏珊和豁嘴朝公爵走过去，一个个拥抱、亲吻，那么热烈，
是我见所未见的。大伙儿也一个个含着热泪，大多数人还和骗子们一个个握手，一路上还说：
    “你们这些亲爱的好人啊——多么可爱——真没想到啊！”
    接下来一个个很快又讲到了死者，说他是多么好的一个人；他的死对大家是多大的一个
损失；如此等等。这时候，有一个大个子、说话冲的人，从外边往里挤，站在那里一边听，
一边张望，默不作声，也没有人对他说话，因为国王正说着话，大伙儿正在忙着听。国王在
说——说到了半中间：
    “……他们都是死者至好的朋友。这是为什么今晚他们被邀请到这里。不过，到明天，
我们希望所有的人都来——我说所有的人，因为他素来对每一个人都尊重，对每一个人都和
好。因此他的殡葬的酒宴理当对大家都敞开的。”
    此人就是爱听自己说话，所以唠唠叨叨没有个完。每隔一会儿，他又要提到殡葬酒宴这
句话。后来，公爵实在受不了了，便在一张小纸片上写了几个字“是葬礼，你这个老傻
瓜”，折好了，便一边嘴里谷——谷——谷，一边从众人头上扔给他。国王看了一遍，把纸
片往口袋里一塞，说道：“可怜的威廉，虽然他害了病，他的心可始终是健康的。他要我请
大家每个人都来参加葬礼——要我请大伙儿务必参加。不过他不用担心——我说的正就是这
件事嘛。”
    随后，他不慌不忙，滔滔不绝地胡谄下去，时不时地提到殡葬酒宴这个词，跟刚才一个
样。他第三次这么提时，他说：
    “我说酒宴，倒并非因为这是通常的说法，恰恰不是的——通常的说法是叫葬仪——我
这样说，因为酒宴是正确的词。葬仪这个词，在英国是不再沿用了。酒宴这个词更好些，因
为这意思是更正确地指明了你的意向。这个词源自希腊文DγgD，指外面，露天，国外；希
伯来文是Jeesum，指种植，盖起来，因而就是埋的意思。你们知道吧，所以殡葬酒宴就是
当着大众的公开的下葬。”
    这是我见到的最拙劣的表演了。啊，那位说话冲的人当了他的面大笑了起来。大伙儿一
个个都惊呆了。一个个在说，“怎么啦，医生？”阿勃纳·夏克尔福特说：
    “怎么啦，罗宾逊？你没有听到这个信息么？这位是哈维·威尔克斯。”
    国王更巴结地满面堆笑，伸过手来说：
    “这位是我那可怜的哥哥的好朋友、医生吧？我——”
    “你这双手别碰我！”医生说。“你说话象一个英国人么——可真是么？学得这么糟
的，我可还从没见过。你这个彼得·威尔克斯的兄弟啊。你是个骗子，这才是你的真面目！”
    哈，这下子可把大伙儿惊呆了！他们一个个围住了医生，要叫他的气平下来，想给他作
种种解释，告诉他哈维已经在四十件事上表明他确实是哈维，他怎样知道每个人的姓名，知
道每一只狗的名字。还一个个求他，求他千万别伤害哈维的感情、可怜的闺女们的感情和大
伙儿的感情。可是不论你怎么劝说，都没有用，他还是一个劲儿地大发雷霆。还说不论什么
人，装做英国人却又英国话说得那么糟，准是个骗子，是个撒谎的家伙。那几位可怜的闺女
偎着国王哭泣，医生突然一转身，对着她们说：
    “我是你们父亲的朋友，我至今是你们的朋友，我作为一个朋友，一个忠诚的朋友，一
个要保护你们免遭伤害的朋友，现在我警告你们，马上别再理会那个流氓，别再理睬他，这
个无知识的流浪汉。他满口胡言乱语，乱扯所谓的希腊文和希伯来文。他是一眼便能被识破
的诈骗犯——不知从什么地方拣来一些空洞的名字和没影子的事，就当作什么依据，还由这
儿的一些本该明白事理的糊涂朋友帮着糊弄你们。玛丽·珍妮·威尔克斯，你知道我是你的
朋友，也是你无私的朋友。现在听我一句话，把这个可怜不足惜的流氓给轰出去——
    我求你干这件事，行吧？”
    玛丽·珍妮身子一挺，我的天啊，她多么漂亮啊。她说：
    “这就是我的回答。”她抱起那一袋钱，放在国王的手心里，还说，“收下这六千块大
洋吧，为我和我的两个妹妹投放出去吧，你爱怎么办就怎么办，也不用给我收据。”
    随后她一边用一条胳膊搂着国王，苏珊和豁嘴搂着另一个。大伙儿一个个鼓掌，脚蹬着
地板，仿佛掀起了一场风暴。
    国王呢，昂起了脑袋傲然一笑。医生说：
    “好吧，我洗手不管这号事了。不过我警告你们全体，总会有一个时刻来到，到时候你
们会为了今天的看法害羞的。”——说罢，他就走了。
    “好吧，医生，”国王嘲笑他说，“我们会劝她们来奉告你的。”——这话逗得大家笑
了起来。他们说，这下子挖苦得恰中要害。