Chapter 37

The ship sank. It made a sound like a monstrous metallic burp. Things bubbled at the surface and then vanished. Everything was screaming: the sea, the wind, my heart. From the lifeboat I saw something in the water.

I cried, "Richard Parker, is that you? It's so hard to see. Oh, that this rain would stop! Richard Parker? Richard Parker? Yes, it is you!"

I could see his head. He was struggling to stay at the surface of the water.

"Jesus, Mary, Muhammad and Vishnu, how good to see you, Richard Parker! Don't give up, please. Come to the lifeboat. Do you hear this whistle? Treeeeee! Treeeeee! Treeeeee! You heard right. Swim, swim! You're a strong swimmer. It's not a hundred feet."

He had seen me. He looked panic-stricken. He started swimming my way. The water about him was shifting wildly. He looked small and helpless.

"Richard Parker, can you believe what has happened to us? Tell me it's a bad dream. Tell me it's not real. Tell me I'm still in my bunk on the Tsimtsum and I'm tossing and turning and soon I'll wake up from this nightmare. Tell me I'm still happy. Mother, my tender guardian angel of wisdom, where are you? And you, Father, my loving worrywart? And you, Ravi, dazzling hero of my childhood? Vishnu preserve me, Allah protect me, Christ save me, I can't bear it! Treeeeee! Treeeeee! Treeeeee!"

I was not wounded in any part of my body, but I had never experienced such intense pain, such a ripping of the nerves, such an ache of the heart.

He would not make it. He would drown. He was hardly moving forward and his movements were weak. His nose and mouth kept dipping underwater. Only his eyes were steadily on me.

"What are you doing, Richard Parker? Don't you love life? Keep swimming then! Treeeeee! Treeeeee! Treeeeee! Kick with your legs. Kick! Kick! Kick!"

He stirred in the water and made to swim.

"And what of my extended family-birds, beasts and reptiles?

They too have drowned. Every single thing I value in life has been destroyed. And I am allowed no explanation? I am to suffer hell without any account from heaven? In that case, what is the purpose of reason, Richard Parker? Is it no more than to shine at practicalities-the getting of food, clothing and shelter? Why can't reason give greater answers? Why can we throw a question further than we can pull in an answer? Why such a vast net if there's so little fish to catch?"

His head was barely above water. He was looking up, taking in the sky one last time. There was a lifebuoy in the boat with a rope tied to it. I took hold of it and waved it in the air.

"Do you see this lifebuoy, Richard Parker? Do you see it? Catch hold of it! Humpf! I'll try again. Humpf!"

He was too far. But the sight of the lifebuoy flying his way gave him hope. He revived and started beating the water with vigorous, desperate strokes.

"That's right! One, two. One, two. One, two. Breathe when you can. Watch for the waves. Treeeeee! Treeeeee! Treeeeee!"

My heart was chilled to ice. I felt ill with grief. But there was no time for frozen shock. It was shock in activity. Something in me did not want to give up on life, was unwilling to let go, wanted to fight to the very end. Where that part of me got the heart, I don't know.

"Isn't it ironic, Richard Parker? We're in hell yet still we're afraid of immortality. Look how close you are! Treeeeee! Treeeeee! Treeeeee! Hurrah, hurrah! You've made it, Richard Parker, you've made it. Catch! Humpf!"

I threw the lifebuoy mightily. It fell in the water right in front of him. With his last energies he stretched forward and took hold of it.

"Hold on tight, I'll pull you in. Don't let go. Pull with your eyes while I pull with my hands. In a few seconds you'll be aboard and we'll be together. Wait a second. Together? We'll be together. Have I gone mad?"

I woke up to what I was doing. I yanked on the rope.

"Let go of that lifebuoy, Richard Parker! Let go, I said. I don't want you here, do you understand? Go somewhere else. Leave me alone. Get lost. Drown! Drown!"

He was kicking vigorously with his legs. I grabbed an oar. I thrust it at him, meaning to push him away. I missed and lost hold of the oar.

I grabbed another oar. I dropped it in an oarlock and pulled as hard as I could, meaning to move the lifeboat away. All I accomplished was to turn the lifeboat a little, bringing one end closer to Richard Parker.

I would hit him on the head! I lifted the oar in the air.

He was too fast. He reached up and pulled himself aboard.

"Oh my God!"

Ravi was right. Truly I was to be the next goat. I had a wet, trembling, half-drowned, heaving and coughing three-year-old adult Bengal tiger in my lifeboat. Richard Parker rose unsteadily to his feet on the tarpaulin, eyes blazing as they met mine, ears laid tight to his head, all weapons drawn. His head was the size and colour of the lifebuoy, with teeth.

I turned around, stepped over the zebra and threw myself overboard.

第三十七章

    船沉了。它发出一声仿佛金属打嗝般的巨．大声响。船上的东西在水面上冒了几个泡泡便消失了。一切都在尖叫：海，风，我的心。在救生艇上，我看见水里有个东西。

    我大叫道：“理查德·帕克，是你吗？我看不清楚。噢，雨快停吧！理查德·帕克？理查德·帕克？是的，是你！”

    我能看见他的脑袋。他正挣扎着不让自己沉下去。

    “耶稣啊，圣母马利亚，穆罕默德和毗湿奴，看见你真好，理查德·帕克！别放弃啊，求求你。到救生艇上来。你听见哨声了吗？瞿！瞿！瞿！你听见了。游啊，游啊！-你是个游泳好手。还不到一百英尺呢。"

    他看见我了。他看上去惊慌失措。他开始朝我游过来。海水在他四周汹涌地翻卷着。他看上去弱小又无助。

    “理查德·帕克，你能相信我们遇到了什么事吗？告诉我这是个糟糕的梦。告诉我这不是真的。告诉我，我还在“齐姆楚姆”弓·的床铺上，正翻来覆去，很快就会从这场噩梦中醒来。告诉我，我还是幸福的。母亲，我温柔的智慧守护天使，你在哪里呀？还有你，父亲，我亲爱的经常发愁的人？还有你，拉维，我童年时代倾慕的英雄？毗湿奴保全我吧，安拉保护我吧，耶稣救救我吧，我受不了了！瞿！瞿！瞿！”

    我身上没有一处受伤，但我从没有经受过如此剧烈的痛苦，我的神经从没有被如此撕扯过，我的心从来没有如此疼痛过。

    他游不过来的。他会淹死的。他几乎没在前进，而且他的动作软弱无力。他的鼻子和嘴不断地浸到不下。只有他的眼睛仍然注视着我。

    “你在做什么，理查德·帕克？难道你不热爱生命吗？那就一直游啊！瞿！瞿！瞿！踢腿！踢啊！踢啊！踢啊！”

    他在水里振奋起来，开始向前游。

    “我的大家庭怎么了？我的鸟、兽和爬行动物？它们也都淹死了。我生命中每一件珍贵的东西都被毁了。而我却得不到任何解释吗？我要忍受地狱的煎熬却得不到天堂的任何解释吗？那么，理性的目的是什么呢，理查德·帕克？难道它只在实用的东西上——在获取食物、衣服和住所的时候闪光吗？为什么理性不能给我们更伟大的答案？为什么我们可以将问题像网一样撒出去却收不来回答？为什么撤下巨大的网，如果没有几条小鱼可抓？”

    他的脑袋几乎要沉到水下去了。他正抬着头，最后看一眼天空。船上有一只救生圈，上面拴着一根绳子。我抓起救生圈，在空中挥舞着。

    “看见这只救生圈吗，理查德·帕克？看见了吗？抓住它！嗨唷！我再试一次。嗨唷！”

    他离得太远了。但是看见救生圈朝他飞去，他有了希望。他恢复了生机，开始有力地拼命地划水。

    “这就对了！一，二。一，二。一，二。能呼吸就赶快呼吸。小心海浪。瞿！瞿！瞿！”

    我的心冰凉。我伤心难过极了，但是没有时间吓得发呆。我在受到惊吓的同时还在行动。我内心的某种东西不愿放弃生命，木愿放手，想要斗争到底。这样的决心是从哪里来的，我不知道。

    “难道这不是很有讽刺意义吗，理查德·帕克？我们在地狱里，却仍然害怕不朽。看看你已经离得多近了！瞿！瞿！瞿！快啊！快啊！你游到了，理查德·帕克，你游到了。抓住！嗨唷！”

    我用力把救生圈扔了出去。救生圈恰好掉在他面前。他用尽最后一点力气向前抓住了它。

    “抓紧了，我把你拉上来。别放手。你用眼睛拉，我用手拉。几秒钟后你就会到船上来了，我们就会在一起了。等一下。在一起？我们要在一起？难道我疯了吗？”

    我突然清醒过来，明白了自己在做什么。我猛地一拉绳子。

    “放开救生圈，理查德·帕克！放手，我说。我不要你到这儿来，你明白吗？到别的地方去吧。让我一个人待着。走开。淹死吧！淹死吧！”

    他的腿用力踢着。我抓起一只船桨。我用桨去戳他，想把他推开。我没戳到他，却把桨弄丢了。

    我又抓起一只桨。我把它套迸桨架，开始用力划，想把救生艇划开。但我却只让救生艇转开了一点儿，一端靠理查德·帕克更近了。

    我要打他的脑袋！我举起了桨。

    他的动作太快了。他游上前来，爬到了船上。

    “ 噢 ，我的上帝啊！”

    拉维是对的。我真的是下一只山羊。我的救生艇上有了一只浑身湿透、不停颤抖、淹得半死、又咳又喘的3岁成年孟加拉虎。理查德·帕克在油布上摇摇晃晃地站了起来，看到我时，他的眼睛闪闪发光，耳朵紧贴着脑袋两侧，所有的武器都收了起来。他的脑袋和救生圈一样大，一样的颜色，只是有牙齿。

    我转过身，从斑马身上跨过去，跳迸了海里。