20-30岁是人生的关键期，你走的每一步，做出的每一个决定，都会影响你以后的人生。

然而，20多岁的年轻人，也是最容易感到困惑迷茫，最可能虚度时光的。

 心理咨询师Meg Jay根据自己多年的经验，给处在这个重要时期的年轻人一些中肯的建议。

20多岁时，Meg Jay在伯克利大学读临床心理学博士。她的第一个患者Alex是个26岁的女孩，情感一团糟，生活没有头绪。

面对Alex当前混乱的情况，同为20多岁的Meg Jay并不知道要给她怎样的建议，反正20多岁也不着急。

Work happens later. Marriage happens later. Kids happen later, and even death happens later.

工作、婚姻、孩子，甚至是死亡，要等以后才来。

直到有一天，Meg的导师点醒了她，让她意识到20多岁的生活是多么重要，而人们往往忽视了这段时光的重要性。

 That was when I realized this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers, families and futures of twentysomethings everywhere.

这时我才明白这种“善意的疏忽”是个真正的问题，而且它会带来严重的后果。不光对Alex和她的爱情生活，对于所有20多岁人的事业、家庭和未来都会造成影响。

她说，社会、媒体都在宣扬着20多岁是“后青春期”，20多岁的人还未长大等观念，而这些剥夺了你应该有的紧迫感和志向。

So what do you think happens when you pat a twentysomething on the head and you say, "You have 10 extra years to start your life"? Nothing happens.

所以说当你拍着一个20多岁人的头说，“你还有十年才开始真正的人生”时，你认为会发生什么？什么也不会发生。

You have robbed that person of his urgency and ambition, and absolutely nothing happens.

你剥夺了那个人的紧迫感以及志向，但没有任何作用。

事实上，20岁是成人发展（adult development）的关键阶段，这段时间会塑造你的未来。

Meg Jay告诫20多岁的年轻人，不要浑浑噩噩度过20岁，更不要把所有的压力都留给30岁。

When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous thirtysomething pressure to jump-start a career, pick a city, partner up, and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time. Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show, simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.

当很多事情被推到30多岁时，你会面临巨大的30岁压力——极短时间内开始职业生涯，择一城，选一人，生几个娃。这些事情中有很多是不兼容的，就如研究所示，在30多岁这个阶段同时完成这么多事，压力和难度实在是太大了。

后来，Meg Jay遇到了另一位年轻患者Emma，她遇到了身份认同难题，对未来充满迷茫。

而这一次，她给了Emma一些实用的建议，而这些建议也值得所有20多岁的年轻人来听听。

 ❶ To forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital.

忘掉身份危机，获得一些身份资本。

By getting identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are.

获得身份资本，是指做些可以增加你自身价值的事。

❷ The urban tribe is overrated.

不要局限于你的核心小圈子。

urban tribe：住在大城市的年轻人组成的小圈子。

New pieces of capital and new people to date almost always come from outside the inner circle. New things come from what are called our weak ties.

新的资本，新的约会对象大都来自圈外。新事物正是来自所谓的弱关系里。

❸ The time to start choosing your family is now.

现在是时候选择你自己的家庭了。

The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work.

考虑婚姻问题的最佳时间是开始婚姻前，这意味着像挑选工作那样有意识地挑选爱情。

总之，不要指望30岁弥补20岁的缺失，好好把握20多岁的时光。

Thirty is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family. Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do. You're deciding your life right now.

30岁并非新20岁，所以要把握成人期，获得一些身份资本，利用弱关系，选择自己的家庭。不要被你不知道的，没做过的事情定义人生，你要自己去决定。