影片对白：

Mike: Hey, it's Maggie's friends. Watch this. Hey, girls, how's it going?

Jaime: Do I know you?

Samantha: What'd you do, mug K-Fed?

Ned: Welcome to the bottom of the food chain. Hey, look, you always had my back in high school, okay? So if your spirit guide wants you to be a fake teenager and me to be your fake dad, the least I can do is make sure that my fake son doesn't look like a total douche.

Mike: I don't look like a douche.

Boy: What a douche.

Ned: We're going shopping.

Mike: Really?

Ned: Yes, your shirt is bedazzled.

Mike: Bedazzled with rhinestones.

Girl: Ooh. Let's go to school.

Boy: Hey, yo, check it out. That's just rude.

Boy: What's up, dude?

Security guard: What are you looking at, punk?

Boy: Watch it.

Boy: Wake up, douche.

Girl: Sorry.

Teacher: No phones, no texting. Settle, people. Settle down. Take the roughhousing outside, class.

Mike: Hello? Hello?

Scarlet: Where the hell are you?

Mike: Oh, cr...The thing.

Scarlet: You mean our divorce? Do you take any of this seriously?

Mike: No, no! Yes, I take this seriously. Yes, I take this...I had to leave the country very suddenly, uh...with the Mayan...Inca, I'm with the Incas in Peru. We think we might have found the next...Rogaine.

Scarlet: Are you with a girl?

Mike: No, no. It's, uh, a bunch of cheerleaders.

Girl: So would you consider maybe dating a 10th-grader?

Lawyer: I think we could go for full custody.

Mike: No, you can't take my kids away from me.

Scarlet: Since when do you care?

Mike: Look...I'm a lot closer to them than you think. Let's reschedule, okay?

Samantha: Hey, Maggie.

Maggie: Um, why is the new kid waving at me?

Samantha: I don't know. But if that boy were an apple...he'd be a Delicious.

Mike: Oh, God. (At the basketball court) Gosh, we are all in such great shape. Oh, jeez. Man, you know, I will tell you something. In 10 years you're going to have this thing right here that no amount of crunches will get rid of. And spot reduction, total lie. You know, I...Never mind. Give me the ball. Fakes right, goes left. And signature move.

Murphy: Kid. I'm Coach Murphy.

Mike: Oh, wow. You're still here?

Murphy: What?

Mike: You're a legend.

Murphy: Yeah. Well, yeah. Twenty years. It's actually my last one. Good hops, kid. Nice handle. We're looking for a point guard.

Mike: Oh, yeah?

Murphy: Why don't you come to tryouts?

Mike: Okay.

Murphy: I'm done talking to you.

Mike: Yeah, yeah.

妙语佳句 活学活用

1. douche: <俚> 白痴。

2. bedazzled: 眼花缭乱的。

3. rhinestone: 莱茵石（一种假钻石）。

4. check it out: 来看看，瞧一瞧，瞧，看。

5. punk: 小流氓；小混混

6. roughhousing: 骚乱；打闹。No roughhousing就是“禁止打闹”。

7. full custody: （子女的）完全监护权。如果Scarlet获得了完全监护权，那也就是获得了sole custody（单独监护权），与之相对的是joint custody（共同监护权）。

8. reschedule: 重新安排时间，重新安排。

9. in great shape: 身体状态很好。shape在这里的意思是“状态，情况”。看一下例子：Our garden is in good shape after all the rain.（我们的花园在下过那么多雨以后情况良好。）

10. spot reduction: 局部减肥。

11. signature move: 招牌动作。同样的用法还有signature dish（招牌菜，拿手菜）。

12. legend: 传奇人物。例如：His heroic feats made him a legend in his own time.（他的英雄业绩使他成了他那个时代的传奇人物。）

13. point guard: （篮球比赛中指挥球队进攻的）控球后卫。

14. tryout: 选拔赛。