5月10日雅思写作点评——网友版
分类: IELTS雅思英语
TV has become an indispensable pare of children’s lives nowadays, which 定语从句关系词应该跟先行词挨在一起are made more colorful by all kinds of kids’ TV program. In this way, it is no denied denial / deny that children can learn many much knowledge which can’t be accessed both at home and school, even though watching TV may do harm to children’s eyes. Therefore, I hold the point of view that parents and teachers should encourage children to watch TV regularly. 不错的开头，因为摆脱了模板，并且在引题的同时，通过摆出双方分论点，让开头显得很充实
For one thing, children are under stresses due to heavy studying loan at school, where in contrast, as a lively medium, TV can make children be refreshed from a day’s hard work and relax enables children get relieved from heavy load of schooling, so that more leisure time could be enjoyed. For example, many cartoons, on which children are really keen, not only tell interesting stories to children, but also can teach children how to distinguish beauty from natural ?, since the cartoon usually come from philosophy stories. 展开合理
for another, many parents are busy with their work and have no enough spare time to accompany their children, especially on weekend, so children can spend the alone time on watch TV. fill their time with Many kinds of TV programs, such Animal World, English Teaching Program, are very useful to help children to widen their horizons and learn more communication sills. Some parents do not always do these things very well.
呵呵，这里就有问题，大家发现没有，这个可爱鸭鸭的分论点与下午展开是两个方向的。主题句是说TV能代替家长陪伴孩子，可下文是TV能开阔眼界哦。J非常常见的错误。
In general, I suppose that TV can do help to improve children’s abilities in many aspects. But, it is still awareness that both parents and teachers should prevent children from being addicted in to TV program, by guiding them how to select significant and healthy TV program and make an scheme when watching TV or go out to play and to keep fit. , making schedule allocating time in a reasonable way. 好结尾，不空洞，有内容，并且有点商榷的意思，通过家长的监督，将TV的负面影响减少到最少，8错8错！！！
总而言之，这篇文章思路清晰，结构合理，如果能多加一个分论点更好。
最重要的是作者没有简单讨论TV好坏，而是紧紧抓住题目中的Study, 尽管中间段落扩展有点问题，但是我认为6分是能够达到滴。
此外，语言尽管有些小的语法错误，但是并没有太多造成理解的障碍，属于可以挽救的范围之内。
For one thing, children are under stresses due to heavy studying loan at school, where in contrast, as a lively medium, TV can make children be refreshed from a day’s hard work and relax enables children get relieved from heavy load of schooling, so that more leisure time could be enjoyed. For example, many cartoons, on which children are really keen, not only tell interesting stories to children, but also can teach children how to distinguish beauty from natural ?, since the cartoon usually come from philosophy stories. 展开合理
for another, many parents are busy with their work and have no enough spare time to accompany their children, especially on weekend, so children can spend the alone time on watch TV. fill their time with Many kinds of TV programs, such Animal World, English Teaching Program, are very useful to help children to widen their horizons and learn more communication sills. Some parents do not always do these things very well.
呵呵，这里就有问题，大家发现没有，这个可爱鸭鸭的分论点与下午展开是两个方向的。主题句是说TV能代替家长陪伴孩子，可下文是TV能开阔眼界哦。J非常常见的错误。
In general, I suppose that TV can do help to improve children’s abilities in many aspects. But, it is still awareness that both parents and teachers should prevent children from being addicted in to TV program, by guiding them how to select significant and healthy TV program and make an scheme when watching TV or go out to play and to keep fit. , making schedule allocating time in a reasonable way. 好结尾，不空洞，有内容，并且有点商榷的意思，通过家长的监督，将TV的负面影响减少到最少，8错8错！！！
总而言之，这篇文章思路清晰，结构合理，如果能多加一个分论点更好。
最重要的是作者没有简单讨论TV好坏，而是紧紧抓住题目中的Study, 尽管中间段落扩展有点问题，但是我认为6分是能够达到滴。
此外，语言尽管有些小的语法错误，但是并没有太多造成理解的障碍，属于可以挽救的范围之内。