Hunger

饥饿

Believe it or not, I've been starving for four days on end.

At first, I ate nothing but four baked cakes or two small buns per day, then I cut them down by half and then by another half, until I didn't even own a copper for buying boiled water. When I was thirsty, I would stand under a tap and let its running water pour down my throat through my wide-open mouth. I felt bloated. There was a pain and chill in my stomach. I cannot tell you enough how miserable I was.

How did it come that I had been reduced to such poverty? It was because the school where I studied had got into trouble. Many students had been arrested and taken to the police station. Some students had moved house and some had gone home. The school canteen was closed because it refused to serve meals on credit. While trying to rescue the arrested fellow students, I meanwhile had to find enough money to pay my living expenses. So I was terribly busy.

Pressed by hunger, I would visit Chunchao Bookstore every day to seek a loan of money. When Kang Nong or Fu Hua was there, I would have no problem in borrowing a couple of silver dollars through them. But I seldom found them in the store and the clerks of course had no say in this matter. Therefore, in nine times out of ten nothing would come of my visit there.

1 was beside myself with joy the day when I found my book The Diary of a Woman Soldier published at long last. Pasted up at the door of the bookstore was an eye-catching colourful poster advertising the book. I went into the store full of curiosity, and, as an ordinary customer would do, took from the shelf a copy of the book, which had on its bright-red front cover a cartoon by Feng Zikai's daughter portraying a little woman soldier riding on a cow. I didn't buy it for I knew I was entitled as its author to at least ten complimentary copies.

说出来，有谁相信呢？我已经四天没吃饭了。

起初是一天吃四个烧饼，或者两个小面包；后来由四个减成两个，再由两个减成一个，最后简直穷得连买开水的一个铜板也没有了。口渴时就张开嘴来，站在自来水管的龙头下，一扭开来，就让水灌进嘴里，喝得肚子胀得饱饱的，又冷又痛，那滋味真有说不出的难受。

为什么会穷到这个地步呢？那时学校里发生了问题，许多同学被抓进捕房去了，许多同学搬了家，也有些回去了的，厨房不肯赊账，他再不愿意开饭给我们吃了。我那时一面还进行援救被捕同学的工作，一面又要筹备自己的生活费，真是忙得头昏眼花。

实在饿得不能忍受了，才每天跑去春潮书店借钱。如果遇到康农和抚华两人在，还可借给我三元五元，但他们在店里的日子是很少的，伙计们自然不敢做主，因此去十次总有九次落空的。

那是我最快乐的一天，《从军日记》出版了！春潮书店的大门口贴着一张用各种不同颜色写的又鲜明又动人的广告，我怀着一颗好奇心走了进去，也像顾客一般，从书架上抽出来一本封面鲜红、是丰子皑先生的女公于画的小兵骑牛的《从军日记》来看。但我没有买它，因为我知道，至少可以无条件地得到十本的。

"I need money badly. May I have a few dollars now out of the royalties on my book?"

Seeing no customers around, I whispered to the cashier with embarrassment.

"No, not now. Royalty payments are made only twice a year. How could I pay you ahead of time?"

"I just can't wait. Today you've got to give me an advance of a few dollars. I wouldn't be here bothering you if I could help it. Believe me, I can't even afford the streetcar fare going back home. I came here on foot."

The uncontrollable desire for food burning within me, I ignored all propriety and poured out my complaints without feeling ashamed. The cashier seemed apathetic, smiling a sardonic smile. A young clerk, however, was kind enough to tell me.

[11] "You just need to wait a little while. I'm sure your book will sell quick. Soon you can take all the money that comes from today's sale of it."