All marriages are happy. It's living together afterwards that is difficult. -- AnonymousHe believes that marriage and a career don't mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job. -- AnonymousIt's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks. She's not marrying the best man. -- AnonymousMarriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter. -- AnonymousMarriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. -- AnonymousMarriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo... -- AnonymousMarriage is like a box of chocolates. You have to squeeze a few bottoms to make sure you like what you are getting. -- AnonymousMarriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot. -- AnonymousMarriage is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings. -- AnonymousMarriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. -- AnonymousIt is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage. -- Jane AustenMarriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. -- BaskinsThe world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. -- Ambrose BierceMARRIAGE, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911In the blithe days of honeymoon,
With Kate's allurements smitten,
I lov'd her late, I lov'd her soon,
And call'd her dearest kitten.
But now my kitten's grown a cat,
And cross like other wives.
O! By my soul my honest Mat,
I fear she has nine lives. -- James Boswell, Life of JohnsonInsurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. -- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television showNothing says lovin' like marrying your cousin! -- Al Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television showI hate work. That's why I got married. -- Peg Bundy, character on "Married with Children," U.S. television showIn matrimony, to hesitate is sometimes to be saved. -- Samuel ButlerIf variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. -- Johnny CarsonIf you are afraid of loneliness, don't marry. -- ChekhovMarriage is an adventure, like going to war. -- G. K. ChestertonThe most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. -- S. T. ColeridgeMarriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. -- Irwin CoreyI've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. -- Noel CowardMarriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass DaleyI'd marry again if I found a man who had 15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he'd be dead within a year. -- Bette DavisKeep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards. -- Benjamin FranklinWhere there is marriage without love, there will be love without marriage. -- Benjamin FranklinLove is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love. -- French sayingA man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. -- Zsa Zsa GaborI'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house. -- Zsa Zsa GaborLove is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von GoetheThank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man. -- Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant-turned-famous-movie-producer, when told his son was getting marriedLove is blind and marriage is the institution for the blind. -- James GrahamI don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house. -- Lewis GrizzardMarriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution? -- Marx Groucho, the film "Animal Crackers"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. -- Katharine HepburnBigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony. -- Oliver HerfordWedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. -- John HeywoodIt is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand; but, by the beauty of our law, what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off! -- Douglas Jerold, 1858Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures. -- Samuel JohnsonI don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. -- Sam KinisonMarriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose. -- F. M. KnowlesMany a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. -- Stephen LeacockI have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me. -- Abraham Lincoln, in a letter to Mrs. O.H. Browning, April 1, 1838I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me. -- Dick MartinI was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho MarxPolitics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. -- Groucho MarxEighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. -- Jackie MasonThere's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. -- James Holt McGavranMarriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. -- Phyllis McGinleyMarriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out. -- Michel de MontaigneTo keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. -- Ogden NashNo woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first. -- Cesare PaveseIt doesn't much signify whom one marries, for one is sure to find out next morning it was someone else. -- RogersI guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage. -- Will RogersBefore marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said; after marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it. -- Helen RolandIn olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced. -- Helen RowlandWhen a girl marries, she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one. -- Helen RowlandWhen you see what some girls marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living. -- Helen RowlandI think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry. -- Rita RudnerTo marry is to halve your rights and double your duties. -- Arthur SchopenhauerNever marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper. -- Scottish ProverbIt is most unwise for people in love to marry. -- George Bernard ShawMarriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity. -- George Bernard ShawMorality consists in suspecting other people of not being legally married. -- George Bernard ShawOne cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. -- Ruth Smythers, Marriage advice for women, 1894Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman. -- Herbert SpencerSome of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -- Gloria SteinemLove is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener. -- Pauline ThomasonMarriage isn't a word... it's a sentence. -- King Vidor, in the 1928 film, The CrawlHere's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in her life, except for good taste in men! -- Wedding ToastMarriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. -- Mae WestLong engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. -- Oscar WildeMarriage is the one subject on which all women agree and all men disagree. -- Oscar WildeMen marry because they are tired, women because they are curious; both are disappointed. -- Oscar WildeMarriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness. -- Madame de Rieux