God, God

Fleda Brown

We dressed for church. I had a white hat

 and white gloves when I was fifteen, no joke.

 You had to do that to show God you cared.

God's eyes were stained glass, and his voice

 was pipe organ（管风琴）. He was immortal, invisible,

 while my pantyhose（连裤袜） itched and my atheist

father chewed his tongue and threatened to run

 out the door but didn't for my mother's sake,

 and she swallowed her fate, this marriage,

like a communion cracker, and my brain-

 damaged brother lurched（倾斜，蹒跚） around the church

 nursery, and my sweeter sister watched me

with huge brown eyes to see what I'd do next.

 My God, why did I turn my eyes upward when

 we were all there, then, in the flesh? I am so

sorry about God, sorry we fastened that word

 to the sky. God's not even legal in Hebrew.

 If you get the vowel caught between the two

consonants of your lips, it can carry you

 dangerously up like a balloon over what you'd

 give anything to be in the middle of, now.