Clever Hans

Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

Hans's mother asks, "Where are you going, Hans?"

Hans answers, "To Gretel's."

"Behave yourself, Hans."

"Behave myself. Good-bye, mother."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans comes to Gretel's. "Good day, Gretel."

"Good day, Hans. Are you bringing something good?"

"Bringing nothing. Want something."

Gretel gives Hans a needle.

Hans says, "Good-bye, Gretel."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans takes the needle, sticks it into a hay wagon, and walks home behind the wagon.

"Good evening, mother."

"Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?"

"At Gretel's."

"What did you take her?"

"Took nothing. Got something."

"What did Gretel give you?"

"Gave me a needle."

"Where is the needle, Hans?"

"Stuck in the hay wagon."

"That was stupid, Hans. You should have stuck the needle in your sleeve."

"Doesn't matter. Do better."

"Where are you going, Hans?"

"To Gretel's, mother."

"Behave yourself, Hans."

"Behave myself. Good-bye, mother."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans comes to Gretel's. "Good day, Gretel."

"Good day, Hans. Are you bringing something good?"

"Bringing nothing. Want something."

Gretel gives Hans a knife.

"Good-bye, Gretel."

"Good-bye Hans."

Hans takes the knife, sticks it in his sleeve, and goes home.

"Good evening, mother."

"Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?"

"At Gretel's."

"What did you take her?"

"Took nothing. Got something."

"What did Gretel give you?"

"Gave me a knife."

"Where is the knife, Hans?"

"Stuck in my sleeve."

"That was stupid, Hans. You should have put the knife in your pocket."

"Doesn't matter. Do better."

"Where are you going, Hans?"

"To Gretel's, mother."

"Behave yourself, Hans."

"Behave myself. Good-bye, mother."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans comes to Gretel's. "Good day, Gretel."

"Good day, Hans. Are you bringing something good?"

"Bringing nothing. Want something."

Gretel gives Hans a young goat.

"Good-bye, Gretel."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans takes the goat, ties its legs, and puts it in his pocket. When he arrives home it has suffocated.

"Good evening, mother."

"Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?"

"At Gretel's."

"What did you take her?"

"Took nothing. Got something."

"What did Gretel give you?"

She gave me a goat.

"Where is the goat, Hans?"

"Put it in my pocket."

"That was stupid, Hans. You should have tied a rope around the goat's neck."

"Doesn't matter. Do better."

"Where are you going, Hans?"

"To Gretel's, mother."

"Behave yourself, Hans."

"Behave myself. Good-bye, mother."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans comes to Gretel's.

"Good day, Gretel."

"Good day, Hans. Are you bringing something good?"

"Bringing nothing. Want something."

Gretel gives Hans a piece of bacon.

"Good-bye, Gretel."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans takes the bacon, ties a rope around it, and drags it along behind him. The dogs come and eat the bacon. When he arrives home he has the rope in his hand, but there is no longer anything tied to it.

"Good evening, mother."

"Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?"

"At Gretel's."

"What did you take her?"

"Took nothing. Got something."

"What did Gretel give you?"

"Gave me a piece of bacon."

"Where is the bacon, Hans?"

"Tied it to a rope. Brought it home. Dogs got it."

"That was stupid, Hans. You should have carried the bacon on your head."

"Doesn't matter. Do better."

"Where are you going, Hans?"

"To Gretel's, mother."

"Behave yourself, Hans."

"Behave myself. Good-bye, mother."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans comes to Gretel's. "Good day, Gretel."

"Good day, Hans. Are you bringing something good?"

"Bringing nothing. Want something."

Gretel gives Hans a calf.

"Good-bye, Gretel."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans takes the calf, puts it on his head, and the calf kicks his face.

"Good evening, mother."

"Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?"

"At Gretel's."

"What did you take her?"

"Took nothing. Got something."

"What did Gretel give you?"

"Gave me a calf."

"Where is the calf, Hans?"

"Put it on my head. Kicked my face."

"That was stupid, Hans. You should have led the calf, and taken it to the hayrack."

"Doesn't matter. Do better."

"Where are you going, Hans?"

"To Gretel's, mother."

"Behave yourself, Hans."

"Behave myself. Good-bye, mother."

"Good-bye, mother."

"Good-bye, Hans."

Hans comes to Gretel's. "Good day, Gretel."

"Good day, Hans. Are you bringing something good?"

"Bringing nothing. Want something."

Gretel says to Hans, "I will go with you."

Hans takes Gretel, ties her to a rope, leads her to the hayrack and binds her fast. Then Hans goes to his mother.

"Good evening, mother."

"Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?"

"At Gretel's."

"What did you take her?"

"Took nothing. Got something."

"What did Gretel give you?"

"Gave me nothing. Came with me."

"Where did you leave Gretel?"

"Led her on a rope. Tied her to the hayrack. Threw her some grass."

"That was stupid, Hans. You should have cast friendly eyes at her."

"Doesn't matter. Do better."

Hans goes into the stable, cuts out the eyes of all the calves and sheep, and throws them in Gretel's face. Then Gretel becomes angry, tears herself loose and runs away. She is no longer Hans's bride.

汉斯给他的雇主做了七年的工，这会儿他对雇主说：“主人，我的工作期限到了，现在我想回家探望母亲，请您把工资付给我吧。”雇主说：“你很忠诚，干得也挺不错，根据你的表现，我将付给你一笔可观的佣金。”於是，他给了汉斯一大块金子，那块金子有汉斯的脑袋那么大，挺沉挺沉的。

汉斯掏出毛巾将金子包起来，扛在肩上，慢慢地上了回家的路。他拖动着脚一步一步地走，显得非常吃力。走着走着，迎面跑过来一匹神骏非凡的马，望着坐在马上的人，汉斯禁不住大声讚叹道：“啊哈！骑在马上可真是一件轻松欢快的事情，瞧他坐在上面就像是坐在家里的椅子上，既能安安稳稳舒舒服服地走路，又不担心跘着石头，连鞋子也不会磨损，不知不觉地就向前走了好远好远的路。”马上的人听到他说的话，便勒住马，问道：“喂，汉斯，你为什么步行呢？”汉斯答道：“唉！我带着这个劳什子，尽管它是一块金子，但压得我连头也抬不起来，肩膀也痛得厉害。”听到这话，骑马的人眼珠一转，说道：“你看我们换一换行吗？我把马给你，你把金子给我。”汉斯连忙道：“正合我的心意，不过我得告诉你这样一个事实——你一个人扛着它是很吃力的哟！”骑马人马上跳下马来，接过汉斯的金子，又帮助他骑上马，然后把韁绳递到他的手里，说道：“要是你想跑快一点，只要咂着嘴喊两声‘喔驾，喔驾’就行了。”

汉斯骑在马上，一付心满意足的样子，走了一会儿，他嫌马走得太慢了，想让它快一点，於是，咂着嘴喊道：“喔驾，喔驾！”那马立即放开四蹄，全速奔驰起来。说时迟，那时快，汉斯一个不留意，咚的一声从马上摔了下来，滚进了路边的一条泥沟里。

正在这时，一个农夫赶着一头母牛从旁边经过，看到了这情况，眼急手快地将汉斯的马拦住了，好不容易才没有让那马跑掉。汉斯慢慢地从沟里爬起来，心里非常恼火，对那农夫说道：“骑了这样一匹马，真令人扫兴，它腿一蹬，就把我给掀了下来，连脖子似乎也摔断了，我可不想再骑它了。我真喜欢你这头母牛，你能一个人赶着它，悠闲地走在它的后面。

而且，每天都能挤到牛奶，还能加工得到奶油和干酪，要是我有这样一头母牛就好啦！“那农夫马上应声道：”那好，如果你真喜欢这头牛，我愿意用我的这头牛换你这匹马。“汉斯立即兴奋地说道：”行！“听到这句话，农夫翻身跳上马，急忙策马而去。

汉斯不慌不忙地赶着牛，边走边想，觉得这笔交易真是太合算了。现在我只要有一快面包——我想肯定会有的——每当我高兴的时候，我就能吃到奶油面包加干酪了，当我口渴的时候，还可以挤牛奶喝，有了这样称心如意的事，我还要什么其它的东西呢？“走着走着，来到了一家小客栈。他停了下来，心情一高兴，竟将自己带的面包全吃光了，口袋里仅有的几个便士也买了一杯啤酒喝。酒足饭饱之后，他赶着母牛向他母亲住的村庄走去。

随着中午的到来，天气变得越来越热。此刻，他正在一片空旷的荒野上，这荒野是那么大，走过它得花一个来小时，而汉斯已开始觉得口干舌燥，酷热难当。“我可得想办法来对付这又热又渴的鬼天气，”他想，“对了！现在我可以挤牛奶解渴嘛。”於是，他将母牛拴在一棵枯树上，没有奶桶就用皮帽子来接奶，他那笨手笨脚的挤奶方法，不仅没有挤出一滴奶，反而把牛给挤痛了，牛忍不住抬腿一脚。真倒霉，这一脚正好踢在汉斯的头上，将他踢翻在地上昏了过去，很久都没有醒来。幸运的是不久便来了一个屠夫，用车子推了一头猪从旁边经过，看到这情况，停下来把汉斯扶了起来，问道：“你这是怎么了？”汉斯把刚才发生的一切告诉了他，屠夫便把自己的酒递给了他，说道：“喝点酒，提提神吧，你的牛之所以挤不出奶，是因为它是一头老牛，除了将它送往屠宰场，看样子别无它用了。”“哎呀，真是的，”汉斯叹道，“谁想到会是这样呢？我要是把它给杀了，有什么用呢？我又不喜欢吃牛肉，牛肉吃起来一点也不嫩。要是这牛现在能变成一头猪的话，就有用了，猪肉味道鲜嫩，还可以做成香肠。”“行！”屠夫说，“为了让你满意，我就将我的这头猪换你的牛吧！”“上帝会因你的善举降福於你的！”汉斯说着将牛给了屠夫，上前把猪从车上解了下来，将绳子拴在了猪的腿上，带着它又高高兴兴地上路了。

汉斯慢慢悠悠地边走边想，今天所有的事都很称心如意，尽管遇到了一些不愉快的事情，但每次很快就有了良好的转机。现在他正觉得心满意足，迎面又来了一位乡下人，这位乡下人腋窝下夹着一只漂亮的白鹅。看见汉斯，他停下来向他打听几点钟了，而汉斯却跟他谈起了今天的称心事，进行了一些什么交易，交易中他如何如何佔了便宜等等。乡下人听了他的话，也对他说起他带着这只鹅是去参加一个洗礼仪式的，并将鹅递给汉斯说：“你掂一掂，这鹅多重呀，其实它只养了八个星期，看它长得多好，将它红烧了吃，还可以烧出好多的鹅油哩！”汉斯接过鹅掂了掂说道：“这鹅的确不错，但我的猪也不赖呀！”乡下人若有所思地四下看了看，然后把头一摇说：“哎呀呀！我的好朋友，你这头猪说不定会给你带来麻烦的，我刚刚经过的那个村庄，有个乡绅的猪被人从猪圈中给偷走了，我真替你担心，因为我开始见到你的时候还以为你这头猪是那个乡绅的呢。要是你经过那村庄时给他们抓住，那可不是闹着完的哟，至少他们也会把你扔进洗马池去。”

可怜的汉斯听到这话，一时被吓坏了，他大声道：“您真是一个好人，请帮我脱离这场苦难吧。您对这儿比我熟悉，您把这头猪赶走，把您的鹅换给我吧！”乡下人马上说：“我真不忍心见你陷入这种莫须有的劫难中，看样子我只得和你交换了。”说完，他从汉斯手中接过绳子，牵着猪从道旁的小路离去了。汉斯也放心大胆地将鹅夹在腋下，向回家的路走去，心里不停地想着：“交易总算做成了，真合算。我将有美味的红烧鹅肉吃了，烧出来的鹅油可吃上半年，还有这洁白美丽的鹅毛，将它们装进枕头一定可以安安稳稳地睡个好觉，我母亲肯定会高兴的。”

当路过最后一个村庄时，他看见一个磨刀的人推着一部小车。他刚干完活，嘴里唱着：“翻山越岭到处游，多么快乐无忧愁；干起活来真轻松，生活乐悠悠；世间任我去和留，愉快似我何所求？”

汉斯住脚看了一会儿，最后开口说道：“磨刀师傅，你干得这般愉快，你的活儿一定充满乐趣。”磨刀人答道：“那是当然，我的手艺就和金子一样，一个优秀的磨刀人把手伸到口袋里，随时都能掏出钱来，——哟！你在哪儿买的这么漂亮的鹅呀？”“我不是买的，是用一头猪换来的。”“那猪是从哪儿买来的呢？”“是用一头母牛换来的。”“母牛呢？”“是用一匹马换来的。”“马呢？”“是用像我的脑袋这么大的一块金子换来的。”“金子呢？”“唉，那是我七年做工所得的工钱。”磨刀人接着说道：“看来你一直都很幸运，但你要是随时把手伸到口袋里都能掏出钱来，那才真的是发财交好运了。”汉斯接口说：“对，对！但怎么能办到呢？”磨刀人回答道：“你必须像我一样当一个磨刀人，这样的话，你只要一块磨刀石就成，其余的就不用愁了。我这儿有一块磨刀石，只是已经磨去一部分，不过它的价值并不比你这只鹅低，你想换吗？”汉斯连忙回答道：“这还用问吗？要是把手伸进口袋里就能掏出钱来，那我就是这世上最幸福的人了，我还有什么可求呢？这只鹅给你。”“好吧！”说着，磨刀人就地捡了一块粗糙的石头递给汉斯，“这是一块最好的石头，你可得好好地保管，用它你能把一颗旧钉子磨掉。”

汉斯带着这块石头，怀着兴奋的心情离开了。他眼里闪烁着喜悦的光芒，自言自语地说道：“我一定是在幸运时辰出生的，瞧我想要办的和所希望的每一件事都能称心如意地得到满足。”

因为天一亮他就上路了，走了这么久，此刻已开始疲倦了，肚子也饿得咕咕叫，原来带的东西都已吃完，就剩下的几便士也在换取母牛后，趁着那股高兴劲买了啤酒喝了，再加上那块石头背在身上压得够呛。终於，他不再往前走了，慢慢吞吞地走到了一个池塘边，想在这儿喝点水，休息一会儿。他小心翼翼地将那块石头放在池塘岸边靠近自己的地方，但就在他俯下身子去喝水的时候，一不留神，轻轻地碰了那块石头一下，石头扑 一下子就滚到池塘里去了，汉斯眼睁睁地看着那石头向水面深处沉没下去，他竟高兴得跳了起来。随即又跪在地上，眼中闪烁着泪花，感谢上帝慈悲为怀，使他免去了继续遭受那块讨厌而又沉重石头的折磨。“我多么幸运啊！”他叫了起来，“谁也没有我这么幸运了。”怀着轻松高兴的心情，他起身又上路了。他就这样无牵无挂，无忧无虑地回到了母亲的身旁，回到了他早已渴望回到的家。