There are advantages and disadvantages to coming from a large family. Make that a large family with a single parent, and they double. The disadvantages are never so apparent as when someone wants to go off to college. Parents have cashed in life insurance policies to cover the cost of one year.

    My mother knew that she could not send me to school and pay for it. She worked in a retail store and made just enough to pay the bills and take care of the other children at home. If I wanted to go to college, it was up to me to find out how to get there.

    I found that I qualified for some grants because of the size of our family, my mom's income and my SAT scores. There was enough to cover school and books, but not enough for room and board. I accepted a job as part of a work-study program. While not glamorous, it was one I could do. I washed dishes in the school cafeteria.

    To help myself study, I made flash cards that fit perfectly on the large metal dishwasher. After I loaded the racks, I stood there and flipped cards, learning the makeup of atoms while water and steam broke them down all around me. I learned how to make y equal to z while placing dishes in stacks. My wrinkled fingers flipped many a card, and many times my tired brain drifted off, and a glass would crash to the floor. My grades went up and down. It was the hardest work I had ever done.

    Just when I thought the bottom was going to drop out of my college career, an angel appeared. Well, one of those that are on earth, without wings.

    “I heard that you need some help,” he said.
    
    “What do you mean?” I asked, trying to figure out which area of my life he meant.

    “Financially, to stay in school.”

    “Well, I make it okay. I just have trouble working all these hours and finding time to study.”

    “Well, I think I have a way to help you out.”

    He went on to explain that his grandparents needed help on the weekends. All that was required of me was cooking meals and helping them get in and out of bed in the morning and evening. The job paid four hundred dollars a month, twice the money I was making washing dishes. Now I would have time to study. I went to meet his grandparents and accepted the job.

    My first discovery was his grandmother's great love of music. She spent hours playing her old, off-key piano. One day, she told me I didn't have enough fun in my life and took it upon herself to teach me the art. 

    Grandma was impressed with my ability and encouraged me to continue. Weekends in their house became more than just books and cooking; they were filled with the wonderful sounds of the out-of-tune piano and two very out-of-tune singers.

    When Christmas break came, Grandma got a chest cold, and I was afraid to leave her. I hadn't been home since Labor Day, and my family was anxious to see me. I agreed to come home, but for two weeks instead of four, so I could return to Grandma and Grandpa. I said my good-byes, arranged for their temporary care and return home.

    As I was loading my car to go back to school, the phone rang.

    “Daneen, don't rush back,” he said. 

    “Why? What's wrong?” I asked, panic rising.

    “Grandma died last night, and we have decided to put Grandpa in a retirement home. I'm sorry.”

    I hung up the phone feeling like my world had ended. I had lost my friend, and that was far worse than knowing I would have to return to dishwashing.

    I went back at the end of four weeks, asking to begin the work-study program again. The financial aid advisor looked at me as if I had lost my mind. I explained my position, then he smiled and slid me an envelope. “This is for you,” he said.

    It was from grandma. She had known how sick she was. In the envelope was enough money to pay for the rest of my school year and a request that I take piano lessons in her memory.

    I don't think “The Old Grey Mare” was even played with more feeling than it was my second year in college. Now, years later, when I walk by a piano, I smile and think of Grandma. She is tearing up the ivories in heaven, I am sure.

    来自大家庭既有好处也有坏处。如果是个单亲大家庭，好坏都会变成双倍。当有人要离家去念大学时，坏处尤其明显。为了支付一年的开销，父母只好将寿险兑换成现金。

    母亲一早知道她无力送我上学与支付学费。她在一家零售店工作，挣的钱刚够养活家里的其他孩子。如果我想上大学，就得自食其力。

    我发现我的家庭人口、妈妈的收入与我的学业能力测试分数符合拿助学金的标准。那只足够用来交学费和买书，但维持不了食宿。于是我半工半读，找了一份工作。虽然工作不讨人喜欢，可那是我力所能及的事情。我在学校饭堂里洗碗。

    为了促进学习，我做了一副恰好能装在大金属洗碗机上的学习卡。把碗碟放在架子上之后，我就站在那儿翻卡片，四周弥漫着水汽，而我在学习原子的构成。我学会了如何在叠碟子的时候背下方程式。我起皱的手指翻过许多卡片，很多时候我疲倦的大脑恍恍惚惚，令玻璃杯也摔破到地上。我的成绩时起时落。那是我做过的最艰难的工作。

    正当我的大学学业快进行不下去时，天使出现了。是在地球上的天使，没翅膀的。

    “我听说你需要帮助，”他说。

    “你说什么？”我问道，竭力想弄清楚他说的是我生活中的那些方面。

    “经济上的，留校念书。”

    “这个，我还好。只是我工作得太久了，找不到读书的时间。”

    “啊，我想我可以有办法帮你一把。”

    接着他解释道，他的祖父母周末需要人帮助。我只用做做饭、早晚帮他们上下床就好了。这份工作的报酬是一个月四百美元，两倍于我洗碗赚的钱。现在我可以有学习的时间了。我去与他的祖父母见面并接下了工作。

    我的第一个发现是他的祖母无比热爱音乐。她许多时候都在弹她那架又旧变调的钢琴。有一天，她说我的生活缺乏乐趣，并执意亲自教我艺术。

    祖母非常赞赏我的能力，她鼓励我继续学下去。在他们家度过的周末并非只有书本与烹调；那些日子里洋溢着走调钢琴与两个走调歌手的动人音乐和歌声。

    圣诞假期来临了，祖母患上胸口冷的疾病，我非常不愿离开她。可自从劳动节后我就没回家，家人都急切希望见到我。所以我还是同意回家去，但只住上两周而不是四周，然后我就回来看祖母和祖父。我道了别，安排好他俩的暂时看护后就回家去了。

    等我装车要返校的时候，电话响了。

    “丹宁，别赶回来了，”他说。

    “怎么了？出什么事了？”我心急火燎地问。

    “祖母昨晚去世了，我们决定让祖父搬到老年人之家去。很抱歉。”

    我挂上电话，感觉世界末日到了一般。我失去了我的朋友，那比起知道我还得回去洗碗要糟糕得多。

    四周后我回去要求再加入半工半读计划。奖助学金顾问看着我的模样好像我疯了似的。我解释了自己的情况，他于是微笑着传给我一个信封。“给你的，”他说。

    是祖母的信。她早已知道自己的病情有多严重了。信封里有足够的钱支付我剩下几年的学费，她还请求我去上她记忆中的钢琴课。

    我觉得《那匹老灰马》不会再有大二时我弹的那样深情。如今，多年之后，当我走过钢琴旁，我总会微笑着想起祖母。她正在天堂里大弹特弹着钢琴呢，我敢肯定。