How to Steal a Dog

Stealing dogs has never been so good! If you're a cheapo who is looking to steal away man's best friend, choose this how-to. Maybe you want a free dog, steal one! Though stealing a dog will probably get you put into prison. If you're that lonely and that in need of someone, or something to talk to, just take a dog, the original owner will understand!

How to Make a Dirty Movie

Oh honey don't worry, I'm just reading about how to make a dirty movie...What?! Wouldn't it be more precise to watch how to make a dirty movie? If you don't know how to make a dirty movie, that might tell you something, or a few things. But let's not go there. I guess some people just aren't romantic or errr...that perverted? Whichever you think fits best.

How to be a Pope

I hope that this book was written by an ex-Pope, but it probably wasn't, seeing as how writing about how to be a pope is probably a sin in one way or another. Anyone who is reading about how to be a pope, shouldn't be a pope in the first place. Those who are destined to live in the Vatican generally know what their duties will be as a pope while they are archbishop or something.

How to Break the Cycle of Life and Death

Now...maybe I'm not religious enough, or maybe I think too much, something, but who in their right mind believes that they can actually live forever? There isn't a cycle to break. Life has a beginning, and an end. Maybe an afterlife, no one is too sure, but a book about how to be immortal? Interesting, to say the least.

How to Raise and Keep a Dragon

I'm sure this would be a great book, if dragons really existed. Maybe they live and exist inside of your imagination, but not in mine. Besides, who'd want to keep an animal that can literally open its mouth and blowtorch you to death? I'd gladly pass on that option. If you ever cross paths with a dragon, find this book.