"You look tired."

"This makes me irate! (And I never say that word!) This is never okay! No one ever wants to hear that, especially a girl. We already have enough problems trying to keep things sucked and tucked in all day let alone you telling us we look like we didn't sleep well. Yeah, yeah, I am tired. I'm busy walking my dogs, writing a book, touring the country, putting on acrobatic lingerie, and posing for you all while you make yogurt commercials. "

 -Jessimae Peluso

"Have you lost weight?"

"When a guy says this, or 'Wow, you look slimmer!' my blood starts to boil because, nope, I'm the exact same weight I was yesterday. I resist the urge to grab a marker, pants this doofus, circle all his fat and instead say, 'I haven't lost any weight. But you've lost any chance of going home with me.' The only way this dude can recover is by full-on admitting he was just trying to be nice and didn't know what else to say because I'm always looking great. But seriously, don't comment on a woman's weight, ever!"

 -Marianne Schaberg, writer and comedian

"Wow, I didn't recognize you with makeup on."

"It drives me nuts when I wear makeup and a man says to me, 'Oh my god, I didn't recognize you! You're so pretty.' This is the ultimate backhanded compliment. I don't wear make-up at my day job because I don't consider all of life a show. A simple 'You look very pretty today,' is fine. Beyond that, we're not that close, so please keep your comments to yourself. I don't tell you when your bald spot looks extra shiny, don't tell me when I'm looking tired or fat or thin. I have a mirror. Believe me, I know."

 -Corinne Fisher, comedian, New York City

"Can't you take a joke?"

"Sometimes when men find out I perform stand-up comedy, they think that gives them permission to 'fake-insult' me. When I don't laugh, they ask, 'Can't you take a joke?' to which I say, 'Can't you tell a joke?' Enjoying humor isn't a green light for reciting every sexist joke your uncle told the family at Thanksgiving dinner."

 -Carolyn Busa, host of "Side Ponytail" in Williamsburg, Brooklyn