CHAPTER XI    Who Stole the Tarts?

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at them--`I wish they'd get the trial done,' she thought, `and hand round the refreshments!' But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.

Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. `That's the judge,' she said to herself, `because of his great wig.'

The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.

`And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, `and those twelve creatures,' (she was obliged to say `creatures,' you see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose they are the jurors.' She said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, `jury-men' would have done just as well.

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. `What are they doing?' Alice whispered to the Gryphon. `They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.'

`They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial.'

`Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence in the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.

Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things!' on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them didn't know how to spell `stupid,' and that he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. `A nice muddle their slates'll be in before the trial's over!' thought Alice.

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.

`Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.

On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--

`The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts, All on a summer day: The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, And took them quite away!'

`Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.

`Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted. `There's a great deal to come before that!'

`Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, `First witness!'

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other. `I beg pardon, your Majesty,' he began, `for bringing these in: but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.'

`You ought to have finished,' said the King. `When did youbegin?'

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. `Fourteenth of March, I think it was,' he said.

`Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.

`Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.

`Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.

`Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.

`It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.

`Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the fact.

`I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation;`I've none of my own. I'm a hatter.'

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at theHatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.

`Give your evidence,' said the King; `and don't be nervous, orI'll have you executed on the spot.'

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all: he keptshifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at theQueen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for her.

`I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. `I can hardly breathe.'

`I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly: `I'm growing.'

`You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.

`Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly: `you know you're growing too.'

`Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse:`not in that ridiculous fashion.' And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.

All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, `Bring me the list of the singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.

`Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, `or I'll have you executed, whether you're nervous or not.'

`I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, `--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and the twinkling of the tea--'

`The twinkling of the what?' said the King.

`It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.

`Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply. `Do you take me for a dunce? Go on!'

`I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, `and most thingstwinkled after that--only the March Hare said--'

`I didn't!' the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.

`You did!' said the Hatter.

`I deny it!' said the March Hare.

`He denies it,' said the King: `leave out that part.'

`Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on,looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.

`After that,' continued the Hatter, `I cut some more bread- and-butter--'

`But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.

`That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.

`You MUST remember,' remarked the King, `or I'll have you executed.'

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he began.

`You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)

`I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice. `I've so often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant till now.'

`If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,' continued the King.

`I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter: `I'm on the floor, as it is.'

`Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.

Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.

`Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice. `Now we shall get on better.'

`I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.

`You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.

`--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one of the officers: but the Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door.

`Call the next witness!' said the King.

The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began sneezing all at once.

`Give your evidence,' said the King.

`Shan't,' said the cook.

The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, `Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'

`Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `What are tarts made of?'

`Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.

`Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.

`Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out. `Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!'

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.

`Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief. `Call the next witness.' And he added in an undertone to the Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!'

Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like, `--for they haven't got much evidence YET,' she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!'

第十一章     谁偷走了馅饼 

当他们到达时，红心国王和红心王后正坐在王座上，还有一大群各种小鸟兽围着他们，就像一整套纸牌。那个武士站在他们面前，用链条锁着，两边各有一名士兵看守着。国王旁边站着白兔，一手拿着喇叭，一手拿着一卷羊皮纸。法庭正中有一张桌子，上面放着一大盘馅饼。馅饼十分精美，爱丽丝见了顿时觉得饿得慌。爱丽丝想：“希望审判能快些结束，然后让大家吃点心。”但是，看来并没有这种迹象。于是，她只好环视周围的一切来消磨时光。

爱丽丝还没有到过法庭，只在书上读到过。她很高兴的是对这里的一切都能说得上。“那是法官，”她对自己说，“因为他有假发。”

该说一下，那位法官就是国王。由于他在假发上又戴上王冠，看起来很不顺眼，而且肯定也不会舒服的。

“那是陪审员席，”爱丽丝心想，“那十二个动物”（她不得不称之为“动物”，因为有的是兽类，有的是鸟类），“该是陪审员了。”这最后一句，她对自己说了两三遍，觉得挺自豪的。因为她想，几乎没有像她那样年龄的女孩，会懂得这么多的。即使说“法律审查员”她们也不会懂的。

十二位陪审员全都在纸板上忙着写什么。“他们在干什么？”爱丽丝对鹰头狮低声说，“在审判开始前，他们不会有任何事情要记录的，”

鹰头狮低声回答：“他们在记下姓名，怕在审判结束前忘掉。”

“蠢家伙！”爱丽丝不满地高声说，但她立刻就不说话了，因为白兔喊着：“法庭肃静。”这时，国王戴上了眼镜，迅速地扫视了四周，想找出谁在说瓜。

爱丽丝就像趴在陪审员肩头上看到的那样清楚，看到所有的陪审员都在纸板上写下了“蠢家伙”。她甚至还看到有个陪审员不会写“蠢”字，要求邻座的告诉他。“不到审判结束，他们的纸板准会写得一塌糊涂！”爱丽丝想。

有一名陪审员在书写时发出刺耳的市音，爱丽丝当然经受不住了，于是，她在法庭里转了一圈，到他的背后，找了个机会—下子夺走了那支铅笔。她干得很利索，那个可怜的小陪审员（它就是壁虎比尔）根本不知道发生了什么事。当它到处找不到自己的铅笔后，就只能用手指头来书写了。这当然毫无用处，因为手指在纸板上留不下任何痕迹。

“传令官，宣读起诉书。”国王宣布说。

白兔在喇叭上吹了三下，然后摊开那卷羊皮纸，宣读如下：
“红心王后做了馅饼，
夏日的白天竟发生这样的事情：
红心武士偷走了馅饼，
全都带走匆忙离境！”

“请考虑你们的评审意见。”国王对陪审员说。
“不行，还不行！”兔子赶快插话说，“还有好些过程呢！”
于是，国王说：“传第一个作证人。”白兔在喇叭上吹了三下，喊道：“传第一个证人！”

第一个证人就是那位帽匠。他进来时，一手拿着一只茶杯，一手拿着一片奶油面包。他说：“陛下，请原谅我带这些来，因为我还没吃完茶点就被传来了。”
“你应该吃完的。你什么时候开始吃的？”国王间。
帽匠看了看三月兔——三月兔是同睡鼠手挽着手跟着他进来的——说：“我想是三月十四日开始吃的。”
“是十五日。”三月兔说。
“十六日。”睡鼠补充说。
“记下来。”国王对陪审员说，陪审员急忙在纸板上写下了这三个日期，然后把它们加起来，再把半数折算成先令和便士。
“摘掉你的帽子！”国王对帽匠说。

“那不是我的。”帽匠说。
“偷的！”国王叫了起来，并看了看陪审员。陪审员立即记下，作为事实备忘录。
“我拿帽子来卖的，我是个帽匠，没有一顶帽子属于我的。”帽匠解释道。

这时，王后戴上了眼镜，使劲儿盯着帽匠，只见帽匠脸色发白，局促不安。
“拿出证据来，”国王说，“并且不得紧张，否则，我就把你拿到场上处决。”
这些话根本没有鼓励作证人。他不断地把两脚交替着站，不自在地看着王后，而且由于心里慌乱，竟在茶杯上咬了一大口，而不是去吃奶油面包。

正在这时，爱丽丝有一种奇怪的感觉，她迷惑了好一会，后来才慢慢地搞清楚，原来她又在长大了，起初，她想站起来走出法庭，但转眼间她又决定留下了，只要这里还有她容身的余地。

“我希望你不要挤我，我透不过气来了。”坐在爱丽丝旁边的睡鼠说。
“我作不了主呀，你看我还在长呢！”爱丽丝非常温和地说。
“在这里你没有权利长呀！”睡鼠说。
“别说废话了，你自己也在长呀！”爱丽丝大胆地说。
“是的，但是我是合理地生长，不是长成可笑的样子，”睡鼠说着，不高兴地站了起来，转到法庭的另一边去了。

在爱丽丝和睡鼠说话的时候，王后的眼睛始终盯着帽匠，当睡鼠转到法庭的那边，她就对一位官员说：“把上次音乐会上唱歌人的名单给我，”听到这话，这个可怜的帽匠吓得发抖，甚至把两只鞋子也抖了下来。

“拿出证据来，否则，我就处决你，不管你紧张不紧张！”国王愤怒地重复了一遍。
“我是个穷人，陛下，”帽匠颤抖着说，“我只是刚刚开始吃茶点……没有超过一星期……再说为什么奶油面包变得这么薄呢……还有茶会闪光……”
“什么闪光？”国王问。
“我说茶。”帽匠回答。
“哦，擦，当然，擦火柴是闪光的。你以为我是笨蛋吗？接着说！”国王尖锐地指出。
“我是个穷人，”帽匠继续说，“从那以后，大部分东西都闪光了……只有三月兔说……”
三月兔赶快插嘴：“我没说过。”

“你说了。”彻匠说。
“我没说。”三月兔说。
“它既然不承认，就谈点别的吧！”国王说。
“好，无论如何，那就睡鼠来说……”说到这否认。然而睡鼠什么也没说，它睡得正香呢。
“从那以后，我切了更多的奶油面包……”帽匠继续说。
“但是睡鼠说了什么？”一位陪审员问。
“这个我记不得了。”帽匠说。
“你必须记得，否则我就处决你。”国王说。

那个可怜的帽匠丢掉了茶杯、奶油面包，单膝跪下说，“我是个可怜人，陛下。”
“你是个可怜的狡辩者。”国王说。
这时，一只豚鼠突然喝起彩来，但立即被法庭上的官员制止了。（所谓制止，实在很难说，我只能向你说说是怎么回事。他们用一只大帆布袋，把那只胆鼠头朝里塞进去，用绳扎上了袋口，然后他们坐在袋上。）

爱丽丝心里想：“我很高兴能看到了这回事。我常常在报上看到，说审判结束时“出现了喝彩声，当即被法庭上的官员所制止。’直到现在我才明白是怎么回事。”
“如果你再没有别的补充，你可以退下去了。”国王宣布说。
“我已经没法再退了，我已经是站在地板上的了。”帽匠说。
“那么你可以坐下。”国王说。
这时，又一只豚鼠喝起彩来，又被制止了。

爱丽丝心里想：“嗳，他们这样收拾豚鼠！实在应该文明一些。”

“我还得喝完这杯茶。”帽匠说着，不安地看着王后，而王后正在看唱歌人的名单。
“你可以走了。”国王一说，帽匠立即跑出法庭。甚至顾不上去穿他的鞋。
这进，王后吩咐一位官员说：“立即将那帽匠在庭外斩首。”可是官员追到大门口，帽匠已经无影无踪了。
“传下一个作证人！”国王吩咐。

下一个作证人是公爵夫人的厨师。她手里带着胡椒盒，一走进法庭，就使靠近她的人不停地打喷嚏，这使爱丽丝一下就猜出是谁了。

“提供你的证据。”国王吩咐。
“我不能提供。”厨师回答。
国王着急地看了看白兔，白兔低声说：“陛下必须反复质询这个证人。”
“好，如果必须这样，我必定这样做。”国王带着优郁的神态说。然后他交叉着双臂，对厨师蹙着眉，直到视野模糊了，才用深沉的声音说：“馅饼是用什么做的？”
“大部分是胡椒，”厨师说，
“糖浆。”一个困倦的声音从厨师后面传来。
“掐住那个睡鼠的脖子，”王后尖叫起来，“把它斩首，把它撵出法庭，制止它，掐死它，拔掉它的络腮胡子！”

整个法庭完全混乱了好几分钟。把睡鼠赶出去以后，大家才再次坐下来，这时厨师失踪了。

“没关系！”国王坦然地说，“传下一个作证人。”然后他对王后耳语说：“真的，亲爱的，下一个作证人必须你来审讯了，我已经头疼得无法忍受了。”

爱丽丝看到白兔摆弄着名单，非常好奇，想看看下一个作证人是谁。她想：“恐怕他们还没有收集到足够的证据。”使她大吃一惊的是：当白兔用刺耳的嗓音尖叫出来时，竟是“爱丽丝！”