Chapter 25

And that wasn't the end of it. There are always those who take it upon themselves to defend God, as if Ultimate Reality, as if the sustaining frame of existence, were something weak and helpless. These people walk by a widow deformed by leprosy begging for a few paise, walk by children dressed in rags living in the street, and they think, "Business as usual." But if they perceive a slight against God, it is a different story. Their faces go red, their chests heave mightily, they sputter angry words. The degree of their indignation is astonishing. Their resolve is frightening.

These people fail to realize that it is on the inside that God must be defended, not on the outside. They should direct their anger at themselves. For evil in the open is but evil from within that has been let out. The main battlefield for good is not the open ground of the public arena but the small clearing of each heart. Meanwhile, the lot of widows and homeless children is very hard, and it is to their defence, not God's, that the self-righteous should rush.

Once an oaf chased me away from the Great Mosque. When I went to church the priest glared at me so that I could not feel the peace of Christ. A Brahmin sometimes shooed me away from darshan. My religious doings were reported to my parents in the hushed, urgent tones of treason revealed.

As if this small-mindedness did God any good.

To me, religion is about our dignity, not our depravity.

I stopped attending Mass at Our Lady of Immaculate Conception and went instead to Our Lady of Angels. I no longer lingered after Friday prayer among my brethren. I went to temple at crowded times when the Brahmins were too distracted to come between God and me.

  第二十五章

    这还没有结束。总有人以保卫上帝为己任，仿佛最高实在，还有支撑万物的结构是软弱无助的。这些人从因为患了麻风病而变得畸形、正在乞讨几个派沙的寡妇身边 走过，从住在大街上、衣衫槛楼的孩子身边走过，他们想：“一切如常。”但是如果他们觉察到对上帝的轻视，那情况就完全不同了。他们的脸变得通红，他们的胸 脯起伏得厉害，他们气急败坏地说出了生气的话。他们愤慨的程度令人惊讶。他们的决心令人惊恐。

    ． 这些人没有意识到，保卫上帝应该从内心做起，而不是从外部做起。他们应该对自己生气。因为外在的邪恶是从内心释放出来的。为善而战的战场并不在外面广阔的 公共场所，而在每个人心中的那一小块空地。同时，寡妇和无家可归的孩子的命运十分艰难，那些自以为是的人急急忙忙去保护的应该是他们，而不是上帝。

    有一次，一个痴呆儿把我从大清真寺里赶了出去。当我到教堂去的时候，神父怒视着我，让我无法感受到耶稣带来的宁静。有时候某位高雅之士会用“嘘”声赶我走，不让我得福。有人用揭露叛逆罪般的压低了的声音急迫地把我的宗教行为告诉我的父母。

    好像这样狭小的心胸对上帝有什么好处。

    对我来说，宗教关乎我们的尊严，而非堕落。

    我不再去无沾成胎圣母马利亚堂做弥撒，’而是去天使圣母马利亚堂。星期五做完祷告之后我不再继续留下和教友们在一起。我在人多的时候去庙宇，那时高雅之士们需要分心的事太多，不会挡在上帝和我之间。