从分手理由就可以看出人们在乎什么。

❶ Ta性格太差劲了，我说什么Ta都跟我杠，拒绝沟通，不分手留着过年？

❷谈之前不知道，相处起来才发现智力上有鸿沟，考虑问题不在一个层面……

❸可能是收入有差别吧，我俩消费观念相差太大……

但处对象可能又和找对象不是一回事。找的时候看脸，处起来又看性格。似乎，这是一个综合决策过程。

 What do you look for in a partner? It seems like an easy question, but if you're asked to break down what it is that attracts you to someone else, you might struggle to put your finger on it.

你找对象时看中什么？看似是个简单的问题，但要是叫你掰开来说道说道，你可能会犯难。

传统的主流观点认为男性在寻找伴侣时比较看中的是外在条件，女性则比较倾向于非外在的部分。来自德国哥廷根大学的研究者们与经期追踪软件提供商一道，开展了一项针对来自180个国家的68000名女性的研究。

Dr. Tanja Gerlach, from the University of Göttingen, said: “the survey is unique in that women from all over the world—across various sexual orientations and life phases—gave us rich insight into what matters most to them. This allows us to draw a very differentiated picture of women's preferences for long-term, and short-term relationships.”

来自哥廷根大学的Gerlach博士表示：“这项研究的独特之处在于我们研究了世界各地，各个年龄阶段，各种性取向的女性的择偶要求。我们由此可以看到长远也好短期也罢的恋爱关系中女性的择偶偏好。”

 研究发现：

❶ "Kindness" was the most important trait, with nearly 90 percent of women thinking it was a top priority.

“善良体贴”是最重要的特质，几乎90%的女性都把它排在了第一位。

❷ Attractiveness was important, but it came secondary to personality traits like "supportiveness" and "intelligence."

外在条件的确很重要，但是并没有“会支持鼓励人”以及“智力”这类特质重要。

❸ When asked about choosing a long-term mate, 46.1 percent of women of all sexual orientations said that a potential partner's desire to parent is very important.

当问及长期恋爱关系时，46.1%的受访者，无论取向如何，都表示希望对方也会要小孩。

❹ For both heterosexual and homosexual women, an attractive smile and attractive eyes were the most important physical features sought in a long-term partner.

异性恋与同性恋女性都表示，长期关系中，笑容和眼睛好看是最重要的外在条件。

❺ Women in Colombia, Mexico and Brazil most frequently stated education was important, while women from countries like the U.K. and Denmark were less likely to find education important in a long-term partner.

哥伦比亚、墨西哥、和巴西等国的受访者最看重对方的教育水平。但英国和丹麦等国家的受访者则认为长期关系中教育水平没那么重要。

Virginia J. Vitzthum, professor of anthropology at Indiana University and the lead researcher on the project, said kindness is "like gravity" — "essential but little-noticed until it's gone."

印第安纳大学人类学教授、该研究的首席研究者Virginia J. Vitzthum表示，“友好善良”这样的特质就像“地心引力”——“必不可少，而且直到消失了才会引起人们注意。”

 "Given today's emphasis on looks and wealth, it may surprise you that kindness is a top desirable trait across the world. While it's fun and nice to feel gorgeous and sexy (and there's nothing wrong with that) the mistake is thinking these are the most important things," she said.

她还称：“如今大家都看脸看钱，看到研究结果显示‘善良体贴’是世界各地受访者公认的最重要特质，还是有点惊讶。虽说漂亮性感肯定是好事（追求外在肯定没毛病），但是要是觉得它们是最重要的那就错了。”

Only 2.5 percent of women globally preferred a "very muscular" body type in a long-term partner, with "average" body-types being the most popular, with 44.8 percent of women choosing it. "Fit and athletic" body-types came in second place with 34.8 percent of the vote.

在找长期伴侣时，全球只有2.5%的女性喜欢“肌肉虬结”的身材。最受欢迎的还是“中等”身材，投票占比44.8%。其次就是“薄肌且爱运动”，占比34.8%。

"This is the human brain unconsciously prioritizing what matters, and noticing physical 'imperfections' less," said Vitzthum. "Intrinsic goodness, and shared values, these are what drive real romance."

研究员Vitzthum还表示：“人类大脑会无意识地挑选最重要的特质，而且会没那么关注外在的瑕疵。内在美，以及共同的价值观，才是驱动真正浪漫的力量。”

 有人总结到：

Initial attraction is based on physical appearance. Relationship attraction is based on other factors.

外在美决定了一开始的喜欢，维持恋爱关系则受到其他因素支配。

这有点类似于中国年轻人常说的“始于颜值，终于人品”吧。

社交媒体上有过这样一个排序：

1、颜值2、身材3、财力4、智力5、性格，总共五个指标，请你把对恋人的期望按重要性从高到低排列。

点赞数最高的是54321，性格最重要，颜值好商量。

紧接着的两个排序（54312和51324）也把性格排在了第一位，差别主要在对颜值和智力的取舍。

把智力排在最末的人声称：“蠢蠢的人应该会好骗好哄”。但有人指出智力的缺陷可不是好骗好哄，而是真的会成为你的拖油瓶。

也有相当数量的人直截了当地把看脸排在第一位（14523），这可能就是脸和脑子我都要吧。