In our grandparents' day one committed oneself to certain skills and disciplines and developed them. Caipenters spent lifetimes learning their craft； critics spent lifetimes learning literature. Today, the question often is not “What do you do？” but “What are you into？” Macrame one week, astrology the next, health food, philosophy, history, jogging, movies, EST - we fly from “commitment” to “commitment” like bees among flowers because it is easier to test something than to master it, easier to buy a new toy than to repair an old one.
I feel sorry for what my divorced friends have lost. No matter how earnestly the former spouses try to “keep in touch,” no matter how generous the visiting privileges for the parent who does not win custody of the children, the continuity of their lives has been broken. The years they spent together have been cut off from the rest of their lives； they are an isolated memory, no more integral to their past than a snapshot. Intelligent people, they will compare their next marriages —— if they have them - to their first. They may even, despite not having a long shared past, notice growth. What I pray, though, is that they do not delude themselves into believing, like so many Americans today, that happiness is only measurable moment to moment and, in the pursuit of momentary contentment, forsake the perspectives and consolation of history.
There is great joy in watching a tree grow.
2. Kramer vs Kramer Ted Kramer is a rising young executive in an advertising firm. He has just been promoted to a new responsible post and a brilliant career is before him. When he comes home with the happy news, his wife Joanna announces her decision to leave him. At first he doesn't take her seriously, thinking it was just a passing mood. He just can' t imagine why she should want to abandon a comfortable life （he brings in good money） and a happy family （they have a lovely boy）。 In all fairness he has never ill-treated her.
But to Joanna her married life has been an utter failure —— meaningless fatal hour, Joanna turns up, not to take Billy away, but to announce her decision to give up her claim to the custody of her son. She has come to realize how much father and son now mean to each other and she has no heart to upset their lives again. In sorrow and in tears all she asks for is a last meeting with her son before she goes out of their lives forever.
3. Problems Arising from Living Apart The Chinese household registration system forbids permanent dwelling without legal registration with the local public security units. Yet many people leave their hometowns - bringing with them their residence cards —— to get further education or to join the army, or because they are transferred to jobs in other places.
The separation of married couples thereby occurs, and it has become a growing concern in China for the various problems it causes. Separation can lead to family crisis or divorce. Just as a society as a Whole requires solidity, a family.demands unity and stability. But this is exactly what separated couples lack —— as well as the happiness that comes from living together. As a result, some couples end up permanently separated and divorced, as emotional ties between husband and wife erode. The damage is not confined to the couples alone. The absence of normal family life can leave the children ill-educated and the aged uncared for, which can contribute to the instability of the whole society.
For those living apart （an estimation of 6 million）, the government grants one month paid home leave every year to one spouse. This equals more than 10 million lost work days, the equivalent of 300, 000 people not working at all each year. In addition to the travel expenses, this costs the government a total of 2.2 billion yuan a year. Moreover, these “travellers” add to congestion in the already overloaded public transportation system.
To end the misery of living apart, some couples seek.solutions by “back-door” means, by inviting officials to parties or presenting them with gifts. While some succeed, most couples meet with frustration. Of the ones who succeed, some fail to find new jobs that match their skills and specialties. Unremitting efforts have been made by the government to ease the problems arising from living apart. Yet, they cannot be solved cornpletely…… There are several reasons for this.
One obstacle involves job transfers. Most work units are unwilling to accept administrative personnel, and they do not wish to hand over the valuable mernbers of their staff to other units. In addition, most separated spouses who live in large cities dislike moving to small cities or to the countryside, and southerners do not want to go to the north. For another thing, some enterprises hxve become highly money oriented, demanding steep compensation for training fees from those who want to quit their jobs. In 1988, 300 to 700 yuan was demanded, but this fee has risen to 1,000 to 7,000 yuan this year. Similarly, the fee for those who apply for a new post grew from between 1,000 and 5,000 yuan last year to between 7,000 and 13,000 yuan early this year, and in some large cities, the fee runs.as high as 40,000 yuan.
Job mobility should be encouraged and special consultations should be held for the purpose of exchanging employees in different parts of the country. Meanwhile, granting job transfers should not be treated as a good profit-making deal, and people who offer or accept bribes should be penalized.