Sermon Sleep
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the 
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my 
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very 
embarrassing. What should I do?" 
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. 
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will 
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a 
good poke in the leg." 
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing 
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the 
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. 
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the 
hatpin. 
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. 
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is 
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards 
Mrs. Jones. 
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. 
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. 
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not 
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few 
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her 
husband with the hatpin again. 
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore 
him his 99th son?" 
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that 
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half 
and shove it up your ass!" 
"Amen," replied the congregation.