Why do elephants never forget?

Because nobody ever tells them anything!

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?

A walkie talkie!

What is the strongest animal?

A snail. He carries his house on his back!

What has six eyes but cannot see?

Three blind mice!

Why is a hen sitting on a fence like a cent?

It has it's head on one side and it's tail on the other!

What does a kitten become after it's three days old? 

Four days old!

What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, it can't hear you!

What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of wool?

She had mittens!

Why is it hard to play cards in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs!

How do you get an elephant down from a tree?

Put him on a leaf and wait until autumn!

What do you call a fly without wings?

A Walk!

When is it bad luck to see a black cat?

When you’re a mouse!

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence!

What do you call a gorilla wearing ear-muffs?

Anything you like! He can’t hear you!

What do you give an elephant that’s going to be sick?

Plenty of space!

Which bird lifts the heaviest weights?

A crane!

What day do fish hate?

Fry-day!

What do call a bear with no ears?

B!

Where do cows go on Saturday nights? 

To the MOOO-vies!

Why are igloos round?

So polar bears can’t hide in the corners!

What do you give an elephant with big feet?

Plenty of room!

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card!

What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?

Lost!

What's in the middle of a jellyfish?

A Jellybutton!

What did the clean dog say to the insect?

Long time no flea!

How do you find where a flea has bitten you?

Start from scratch!

What do you call an elephant in a phone box?

Stuck!

How do you know that an Elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are foot prints in the butter!

Why do elephants never forget?

Because nobody ever tells them anything!

Why are elephants wrinkled?

Have you ever tried to iron one?

What do you get if you cross a fish with an elephant?

Swimming trunks!

Why is a pig in the house like a fire?

The quicker you put it out the better!

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a pig?

A bird who hogs the conversation!

What did one flea say to the other flea?

Shall we walk or take the dog?

What is a pig after it is three days old?

Four days old!

Why is Turtle Wax so expensive?

Because turtles have such little ears!

What’s small and cuddly and bright purple?

A koala holding his breath!

What happens when a cat eats a lemon?

It becomes a sour puss!

What do you call a pig with three eyes?

A Piiig!

What is a crocodile’s favorite game?

Snap!

What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?

He gets toad away!

I lost my dog.

Why don't you put an ad in the newspaper?

Don't be silly! He can't read!

How does a hedgehog play leap-frog?

Very carefully!

What do you get if you cross a rabbit and a flea?

Bugs Bunny!

What’s grey and squirts jam at you?

A mouse eating a doughnut!

Why aren’t elephants allowed on beaches?

They can’t keep their trunks up!

Where do hamsters come from?

Hamsterdam!

What do you get if you cross a crocodile with a flower?

I don't know, but I'm not going to smell it!

What kind of snake is good at math? 

An adder!

What’s the difference between an injured lion and a wet day?

One pours with rain, the other roars with pain!

What kind of animal goes OOM?

A cow walking backwards!

What animal has more lives than the cat?

A frog, he croaks every night!

What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a balloon?

POP!

What is the difference between a flea and a wolf?

One prowls on the hairy and the other howls on the prairie!

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?

Put it on my bill!

Why did the chewing gum cross the road? 

It was stuck to the leg of a chicken !

What did the egg say to the other egg?

Let's get cracking!

What do you say to a cow that crosses in front of your car?

Mooo-ve over!

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the Shell Station!

How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?

You bump your nose on the ceiling!

What would you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer!

Why do cows have bells? 

Because their horns don't work!

What kind of animal do you not want to play cards with?

A cheetah!