The best thing to do first thing in the morning is go right back to sleep.

每天起床做的第一件最棒的事就是再睡个回笼觉。

People who say they’ll give 110% don’t understand how percentages work.

那些说要付出110%的人都不知道小数要怎么用。

1. Go to the gym

1. 去健身房

2. Take 500 pictures

2. 拍500张照片

3. Post a different one every day

3．每天发布一张不同的照片

4. Never go to the gym again

4. 从此再也没去过健身房

The hardest thing about being single is finding a reason to shower.

单身最艰难的事就是找个去洗澡的理由。

The best things in life are actually really expensive.

事实上，生活中最美好的事情都需要很多钱。

Selfies are a lot sadder when you think them as Alone-ies.

当你想着自拍就是独照的时候，会感到更难过。

Every time I look in the mirror I see a person I truly hate. And then I realize it’s not a mirror, it’s a window.

每次看向镜子的时候，我都看到一个我非常讨厌的人。之后我意识到，那不是一面镜子，那是个玻璃窗。

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it’s finally fucking over.

别哭了，因为一切都结束了。微笑吧，因为他妈的终于结束了。

I worked out for an hour and all I lost was 60 minutes.

我锻炼了一小时，而我失去的是60分钟。

Enjoy the good times because something terrible is probably about to happen.

享受美好的时光吧，因为接下来可能会发生糟糕的事情。

There’s no such thing as waking up from a nightmare because the world is a nightmare.

根本就没有从噩梦中醒来这种事，因为世界就是一个噩梦。

I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your text it’s just that I don’t care about your feelings.

对不起，我没有回你信息。这只是因为我一点也不关心你的感受 。

If you never believe in yourself, you’ll never let yourself down!

如果你从来不相信自己，你就永远都不会让自己失望！

The best part of being single is that the only person who is disappointed when you take your clothes off is you.

单身最好的一点是，当你脱光衣裳，失望的人只有你自己。

If I’ve ever offended you I’m not sorry and it’s your fault.

如果我曾经冒犯过你，我一点也不感到抱歉，因为这都是你的错。

Monday hates you, too.

星期一也讨厌你。

There are two types of people in the world. I hate both of them.

世界上有两种人，我两种都讨厌。

1. Wake up

1. 起床

2. Hate everything

2. 讨厌一切

3. Go to sleep

3. 睡觉

4. Repeat

4. 继续前面的三件事

Started from the bottom…still at the bottom.

从底层开始……现在仍在底层。

Happiness is temporary. Death is forever. Have a nice weekend.

快乐是短暂的。死亡是永恒的。周末愉快。